KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2023_ENTRY_85
The following text notes and screenshot were generated by karbytes while karbytes was commuting from Dublin to Fremont by BART train and by walking between 6PM and 9PM (Pacific Standard Time) on 18_JANUARY_2022.
Something disconcerting which happened to me recently was when I entered my employee number into one of the time-keeping terminals inside the building I currently work at when attempting to “clock in” for my shift at approximately 1AM. I got an error message saying that the number was invalid. Then I went into the office to tell the supervisors and one of them said it was because the Dayforce system was down ahd that I could write in my “punch in” and “punch out” times on a paper form (and I saw that several other people did the same thing). I commented that I was afraid I got terminated and one of the people laughed. (I thought I was possibly terminated due to the fact that I had not submitted a social security card (and when I texted the person asking if I brought it in yet yesterday, I replied with a text saying that I brought in a birth certificate instead and that management apparently approved (and I’ll elaborate on that later in this blog post)).
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Since the year 2020, I have noticed the price of bicycles at the Cyclepath store in Hayward increase. A particular bicycle brand and model which only cost me approximately $400 back in 2020 now costs approximately $700 (and all the minimum price has gone up by at least $100). I found more affordable options on the Walmart website. For approximately $300, I can order a mountain bike to pick up at a local Walmart store. I am tentatively planning to do that on Friday when I am scheduled to have a direct deposit of approximately $500 directly deposited into my Parelfo bank account from working.
Right now I am riding the BART train from Dublin to Warm Springs instead of driving my mom’s petroleum powered Toyota Matrix to work in Fremont. I left my weed bong, weed, and lighter wrapped up in cloth inside of a plastic bag in that car (and I feel ready to quit smoking because smoking damages the body). Right now the car is parked in the Dublin BART parking garage and it contains my new red tent and several blankets. On Friday I plan to buy a more compact (i.e. travel sized) sleeping bag. I also plan to return the car to my mom as soon as feasible so that I am no longer responsible for that car’s upkeep.
In a nutshell, I am endeavoring to keep my setup as minimalist, portable, comfortable, and environmentally friendly as possible. I also think such a lifestyle will help me be more physically fit and mentally healthy (due to the fact that I would be living in as close of alignment as possible to my personal standards) than continuing to rely on à petroleum powered privately owned vehicle to commute (which is prohibitively expensive due to eventual car repairs and the ongoing demand for pricy and environmentally hazardous gasoline to keep that vehicle in service).
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Unfortunately, it looks like I am going to get terminated simply for not having my social security card ready in time. If I arranged to have it delivered to my legal address, it probably would have arrived by now. I arranged to have it sent to SED’s house and SED’s girlfriend said that I would not be getting any mail which is sent to that address.
I suppose the most pragmatic thing I can do is go back to the social security office in Hayward tomorrow to re-order a social security card to have mailed to my dad’s house (but I fear it will be intercepted by someone who wants to sabotage my goals). As much as I wish I could make chapter 7 of my 2023 journal about escaping the hell of unemployment while lacking people who are supportive of my goals in life, I am afraid that chapter 7 will eventually be about having to start over with no job and having to depend entirely on my parents or else on credit cards to get through an indefinitely long unemployment phase and then the first few weeks of working at my next job.
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On a positive note, I am grateful for the fact that I at least got the chance to go on a two-night motel vacation and that I will soon have enough money to get a bicycle (which is what I consider to be a significant lifestyle upgrade (when combined with riding the BART trains) from depending on a petroleum powered vehicle which I do not own to get around)).
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While walking I was thinking about how feasible it is to get around without owning a car in the San Francisco Bay Area in the age of Lyft and mobile Internet. It does seem almost impossible to rent my own apartment due to the prohibitively high cost of rent and home ownership. I can tell that the mainstream economy revolves around the favoritism towards the nuclear family (households comprised of a woman, a man, and their bilogical offspring). Being a “homeless by choice” computer technology enthusiast and philosophy writer is fairly affordable but such a lifestyle seems to be discouraged by those who act as gatekeeper to my economic security (because such people think that The Meaning of human existence is to be enmeshed in interpersonal human-to-human relationships and implicitly opposed to living alone (especially while living outside). In order to have a roof over my head to call home, I have to cohabitate with other people. My chosen lifestyle seems like a loophole to that expectation that people who are roughly as poor as I am be in some kind of marriage or domestic partnership. Hence, I think it is counter-cultural to be single and to prefer solitude to socializing. I have experienced tastes of what it is like to be married and I think it is more lonely and stifling than being single and living alone. Only on my own can I make decisions without the functional equivalent of a legal guardian having to oversee and dictate how I use my time, energy, and other resources. Furthermore,, I am comfortable with the fact that subjective experience is fundamentally and inevitably solipsistic. I can never be sure that anything outside my scope of awareness exists. Hence, I will never know what other people are thinking. I would rather not live inside of a fantasy in which I imagine that whoever my partner is genuinely supports my goals and is not secretly plotting to sabotage me.
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I am the only person I currently know who is committed to eating a plant-based diet and making sustainable living a demonstrated priority instead of something to dismiss as irrelevant simply because it isn’t popular amongst one’s social circles. I also seem to have dealt with a recurring theme of “bait-and-switch” experiences (i.e. being offered what seems like a good deal for me and then, after personally investing in that deal, getting ejected from that contract and consequently feeling abused by other humans who seem to not really want me to help me achieve my goals out of jealousy and spite) throughout my adult life so extensively I have inevitably become misanthropic and pessimistic that humanity will support my goals instead of try to sabotage them. That’s part of the reason I feel strongly motivated to be virtually friendless and relatively hermetic.
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So many of the humans around me seem like sullen, smug, and complacent ogres who feel so disadvantaged or disappointed in their lives that they seem to have no goals other than to make people who seem to have it better than them feel molested, lied to, stolen from, and even physically tortured. This morning some of those ogres were trying to disrupt me from sleeping by talking loudly in an ad hominem manner in close proximity to me seemingly because they want me to be too sleep deprived to function as well as I feel entitled to.
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It seems like almost every human in my life is conspiring against me living outdoors alone and that such people want me to be more familial, subservient towards my parents, and housebound (and car bound). They seem to think that me sleeping outside and even just me taking longer walks alone than they would is a crime and so is thinking outside the bounds of what they think is socially acceptable, predictable, and non-threatening to their egos. I avoid and resent people mainly because I fear that they want to put me in some kind of restraint where my physical and mental fitness is supposed to atrophy and where I am deprived of being able to “indulge” in my own thoughts (which they seem to think deserve to be cut off because such thoughts are deemed by those people to be prohibitively expensive and therefore illegal to have). Apparently my rich educational and experiential background and “over developed” command of the English language is inappropriate for the caliber of jobs I feel relegated to. Apparently, I am only allowed to take high stress jobs which pay more (even though I don’t think that I need that much money to be comfortable).
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Perhaps the most distressing fact of my existence is that I am always “mind raped” by law enforcement (and have been since February of 2019 starting while I was working at the nearby Panera Bread in the kitchen while training to be a night baker(and I ended up quitting that job after a few weeks of starting because I felt so ambushed and horrified and still feel that way)) such that my thoughts and emotions are accessible to other people at all times without my consent and seemingly in order to make me feel deprived of privacy and punished for past crimes and/or failure to comply with what other people implicitly demand. If I end up attempting suicide, it will most likely be for that reason: because other people are making it physically impossible for me to enjoy what I would otherwise enjoy. If I am not allowed to enjoy my life, then I do not think there is much of a point in me continuing to live unless my life is valued only as a joyless series of challenges and sacrifices on my part solely for other people’s comfort, amusement, and welfare (and I do not think other people appreciate the legacy I am leaving with this website nor do other people seem to be nearly as troubled as I am about how violated and abused I feel by other people). Unless humanity makes a sufficiently large-scale switch to environmentally sustainable infrastructure, I feel that my charitable contributions are little more than virtue signaling. If I do anything voluntarily at all, it is primarily (if not exclusively) in order to attain my personal goals (which means that I prioritize gratifying myself many orders of magnitude more than I prioritize gratifying other humans; especially at the expense of my own personal satisfaction)). As far as I can tell, most humans just do the bare minimum in terms of effort to survive and to feel okay and not any better (and they seem to not mind leaving an inhospitably toxic and desolate wasteland of a planet for future human generations to inhabit).
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Note that tonight I removed the social media post which links to 2023 journal entry #75 from my Twitter page, my Minds page, and my Patreon page (but I kept the social media post which links to 2023 journal entry #73).
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It is approximately 11PM now. It started raining nonstop around 10:30PM. I found an overhang to use my computer at and logged into Dayforce to see that the hours which I submitted for my last shift via paper have still not been added to my timesheet (which makes me worry that any hours I attempt to submit after Tuesday are not being counted and, hence, those hours basically amount to unpaid labor). When I arrived at the employee entrance and rang the doorbell, no one came to answer the door. (I was told that employee badges only allow an employee to enter the building during that employee’s assigned shift times). I almost walked back to the BART station but was afraid that (a) I would not make it in time before the stations close and (b) I was afraid that if I did not show up to my shift (even though I might have been “quietly fired”) I would miss the opportunity to possibly keep my job. I am afraid that if I inquire management about my missing hours, they will tell me some lip service commentary and not actually amend my timesheet such that I am effectively being stolen from (but they will probably be able to legally get away with it because they could claim that my employment ended on Tuesday and any hours clocked afterwards do not count as hours which require monetary compensation).
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This web page was last updated on 18_JANUARY_2023. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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