I have been told many times over the past few years by other people (especially the voices which are beamed into my skull wirelessly via some kind of brain-to-computer interface implant and/or electromagnetic signals) that I am too preoccupied with my physical appearance to get a job. In reality, I do not feel that I am any more obsessed with my physical appearance than are most people. What seems to make me different from most people is that I have relatively healthy diet (99.99% vegan) and exercise habits (daily walking and regular strength training) and appear to be in good shape. Because I am not as sedentary, apathetic about which foods I consume, and willing to consume alcohol and cigarettes like many of my so-called peers are, I am singled out to be an elitist snob who is too vain and too fastidious about my health and personal development endeavors to be accepted as a sufficiently humble, relaxed, and people oriented person. I think that is why it has been so hard for me to get even simple menial jobs. I simply do not fit the culture at a lot of those jobs because I appear to be “too ambitious” and “too serious” and “too egocentric” and “too elitist” to be welcomed into such communities.
Today I was told many times that I am “too schoozy to get a job”. When I asked the voices what that meant, they gave me widely different answers each time: “schoozy” apparently means being too much of a sexed up kiss ass or else it means being too focused on computer science and not focused enough on what other people find interesting and important. When I applied for jobs, I was told to stop applying for jobs and to just study full time, but whenever I attempted to study (or even read or think about something other than fighting with Pig Gorl about how I am “too schoozy” to get a job or otherwise not being qualified to get a job because of my personality), Pig Gorl aggressivley tried to distract me and stop me from taking proactive steps to get a job and/or to study. “You’re only allowed to focus on your self important face,” she said. I think she wants me to remain unemployed, unengaged in studies, and barely able to do much more than eat, sleep, and shit so that I am easy for others to ridicule as lame (and while being forced to remain lame). I am not sure if Pig Gorl wants me to be forced to be lame so that she and the people she represents do not feel jealous of me or if she and the people she represents want to keep using me as a target to act out their sadistic urges onto (because beating someone up is apparently easier and provides more instant gratification than does facing one’s own inner demons and working to improve oneself and/or to challenge the status quo which enforces misery, mediocrity, apathy, a lack of curiosity, a lack of creativity, perpetual anger, idle gossip, and sensationalist “low brow” drama).
Pig Gorl (the name I gave to the caricature I imagine when I hear that recurring high-pitched, breathy, whiny, whimpering, yelling, muttering, pouting, angrily whispering, passive-aggressive chortling, vague ad homimen attack spewing, attention deficit, close minded, didactic, uneducated-sounding, misery-mongering, joylessly and angrily giggling voice) alternates between nagging relatively loudly in a rapid-fire manner and angrily, softly, and slowly whimpering. I find the latter more irritating than the former because her crying sounds like pretending to be mute when she is capable of using her words to be more articulate than acting like a cryptic, weak, fragile, abused little baby girl (even going so far as to make fake-scared gasps like she is flinching from me making sudden movements). From what I can tell, Pig Gorl is a political conservative and seems to get a lot of support from other people (because she seems easy for those people to relate to as cranky, bored, uneducated, materialistic, conformist, xenophobic, anti-intellectual, politically conservative, ad hominem attack spewing “normies” who seem to hide inside a social group instead of operate as lone individuals like me).
I regard Pig Gorl as a very “sub human” human because of her disturbing lack of brain matter. She seems to have no interests other than prostitution and doing the bare minimum to get by. She looks like she may have dropped out of high school to work at McDonald’s before entering the prostitution trade. She seems to never travel outside the inner city where she lives in a ghetto motel when she is not out whoring herself according to her pimp’s dictates. She seems to have no hobbies except for getting her nails done (and her long fake nails prevent her from doing much with her hands). She smells strongly of an excessive amount of cologne, hair spray, and cosmetics. Her eyes look lifeless, lazy, and sulky. Her mouth is frequently open in a manner which makes her look like a two-year old baby talking. Her body lacks muscle tone and her skin is pallid and cellulite ridden. Her feet are small and deformed from being crammed into tiny shoes most of the time. She speaks in a meek, monotone, and apathetic manner like a zombie mechanically acting out some cliche erotic role. She appears to have no deep thoughts in her head. She seems limited to thinking about just doing the bare minimum to earn her keep as a prostitute and hardly seems to have any genuine passion for anything about existence. She just seems to nonchalantly go through the motions of her life while quietly sulking and being bitchy the entire time. She is a mere animal fending for itself in the jungle; treating other people as mere tools to get her needs met while she expects to be treated in a similar manner: nothing more than a disposable tool to be ravished, recklessly exploited, and discarded like a piece of trash when finished. Of course she is always in a fowl mood. She seems to hang out only with miserable, pathetic, desperate people with very low self esteem. She follows me around constantly trying to diminish me so that I end up as miserable, damaged, and trashy as she is. In short, she is “lose lose” (meaning that she believes that she has no chance of success and happiness in the future and that she believes that the only way to “win” is to bring other people down with her; to sabotage other people’s success and happiness like it is her only agenda outside of just trying to help her living corpse of a pig-shaped body survive). Her small black shoes with raised heels make her feet look like literal pig hooves at the end of short, pudgy legs. Her torso is rather thick and devoid of an hourglass figure (which makes her look like a corpulent prepubescent girl aside from the relatively large tits spilling out of the top of her low neckline shirt and a rather large, lazy looking butt in skin tight pants). Note that the drawing I made depicting Pig Gorl makes her appear to have more of an hourglass figure than my words and imagination depict. That’s because she alternates between acting like a child trying to seduce an old man and an actual adult female prostitute. I drew her looking like her most mature form instead of her child prostitute form (and her child prostitute form is probably best depicted as her wearing a big ugly bow on her head and a ballerina-like tutu and a pastel pink shirt with sparkly cursive writing saying “princess” and bigger, rounder, more emotional-looking eyes conveying wide-eyed surprise, “innocence”, and thinly veiled anger (because as a child prostitute she is a rather bratty and attention-seeking and tantrum-throwing control freak). As an adult prostitute, Pig Gorl is more sullen, lethargic, depressed-looking, and bored-looking and bored-sounding (but still attention-seeking and at times belligerent to an annoying and disruptive extent)).
In the eyes of the law (and what seems to be mainstream culture), Pig Gorl can do no wrong and is seen by many as a typical woman: not at at all bright nor ambitious nor kind; just lazy, myopic, animalistic, hyper-sexual, dumb, unoriginal, easy to exploit, physically lame, and rather ugly despite spending much of her free time getting her hair, nails, cosmetics, and outfits done. There is not much to admire about her, but she is useful for cheap, easy sex and for basic housekeeping duties. Hence, people are more than happy to keep her in the condition she is and not any healthier nor more educated because her dullness and passivity makes her easy to exploit as a loyal servant to whoever provides her basic necessities. She does not have much to say, but she provides about as much company as a dog would (which is better than nothing for those who are lonely and desperate for some unchallenging feminine presence to help fill the void and to help make him feel comparatively manly, in control, dynamic, smart, and powerful. For such a man, Pig Gorl is a better domestic companion and escort than is some woman who is comparatively ambitious, educated, worldly, independent, and physically fit. In other words, Pig Gorl does not make her clients feel inferior to her, but rather, the opposite).
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