Please disregard some of the stuff I said in the previous journal entry. I was just “clearing the cache” so to speak. In other words, I wrote some of that drivel just to reveal how irrational my logic has been. Now that I have had the chance to see a little more deeply into what my personal cognitive dissonance was about, I think I have a more accurate understanding of what my discomfort fundamentally is and was about: my fear of not using my time as well as I ought to be (and my fear of being deluded into wasting my time because I fall prey to some sort of scam). Now that I am on my way to getting and keeping a job rather than insisting on getting money some other way (though I would prefer to have multiple income streams consisting of a low-key job such as working at a local sandwich shop and getting patrons on Patreon to send me recurring monthly payments), I feel that I will not have to fight so hard to be able to afford the commodities I do not want to live without because I will be earning my own income in a relatively transparent and legal manner instead of having to endure less than professional circumstances in order to get money. In other words, I will no longer have to spend and save money according to some rather unprofessional person’s whims lest I be completely deprived of money. (By unprofessional, I mean being discouraged from having an agenda other than being an on-call, full-time human companion animal who stays in someone else’s house to make that person feel like it is not the only person missing out on having a life outside the home). So I did not mean to be sexist. I meant to articulate to myself why I thought that certain aspects of my life felt like enforced sexism. The “cure” to that enforced sexism seems to be me getting ad keeping a job and managing my time, money, and cognitive resources so well that I do not feel like a charity case (i.e. someone who needs to apply for food stamps, wait at line to enter homeless shelters, stand on a street corner with a cardboard sign begging for money, et cetera). I can use the money I earn to invest in my hobbies rather than spend myself broke just trying to avoid being malnourished, deprived of minimal comfort, and deprived of mobile Internet access. (I am nevertheless grateful for the fact that my parents have been as generous as they have been with their material resources. I am glad I did not have to seriously end up homeless and penniless).

Please understand that the paragraph above is also more “clearing the cache”. A lot of stuff in this website is me “clearing the cache” rather than expressing clearly defined, well researched, and well thought about concepts. Rather than wait for my circumstances to become more conducive to writing and contemplation, I have made an effort to document my thoughts as well as think I could have while inhabiting what I think were less than ideal circumstances. If I decided instead to wait to have what I deem to be a minimally adequate standard of living in order to publish content online, I would likely have postponed my website development, academics, and spiritual pursuits for years (if not forever).

Perhaps the biggest stressor in my life is being frequently bombarded with distracting and discouraging anti-intellectual propaganda from thought police via microwave auditory effect (or some other information transmission means) to the extent that working on intellectually rigorous endeavors which I would otherwise enjoy is tortuous and made artificially difficult. I bet that, if I become successful as an intellectual, the thought police who have been harassing me will claim that I would not have been that successful without their meddling. I bet that I would make faster progress and feel more gratified during the entire process if I was not being so severely harassed by the thought police (and if I do become successful as an intellectual, I think the thought police would claim that I would not have been able to achieve that success without such meddling). There seems to be an ongoing battle between me and the thought police for control over my mind and body (and the thought police seem to be very envious and intimidated by my intelligence and inspiring and wholesome indeas and prefer that my mind be populated with monotonous depressing cede filibuster content instead). I think that the thought police feel unsatisfied with how little they utilize their intellectual potential and would rather prevent me from utilizing my intellectual potential than utilize their own intellectual potential more. I think they are afraid of becoming or being exposed as obsolete; as stodgy old-fashioned guards of antiquity swiftly being outsourced by robots and people who have jobs other than suppressing individual and collective evolution for the sake of keeping insecure and close-minded people from feeling irrelevant nor powerless. (This paragraph is what karbytes also considers to be another piece of half-baked hyperbole; another example of “clearing the cache”).

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