KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2023_ENTRY_393
I almost spent more time in “the losing position” until I remembered that I am playing a Game. “Feeling that one has no real time off is one of the greatest sources of destitution,” I thought I heard a “head radio voice” say. If that statement is true, then I could say that I will not stop feeling destitute until I hear no more “head radio voices” but then thought about how much the “head radio voices” provided critical timely feedback which helped me probably save more time, money, health, and cognitive functions than I would have without such intervention. If what I just suggested is true, then I could have a very productive and satisfying Summer Camp by Karbytes experience. (As I write this neighbors standing in their yards on the other side of a field where my dad’s house (which is my current legal residence address) seem to be making disapproving vocalizations at me (but I have a habit of trying to tune them out because I think they are trying to sabotage my writing process by essentially trying to censor my style and content out of existence so that literally everything in their vicinity is tailor made and home owner association committee approved). I would go inside the house to write, but the air quality is rather poor in there (due to lingering cigarette smoke) and because I just feel more comfortable writing this note outside “debajo del cielo” where I assume many satellites and drones are watching and recording my every thought and move. Most of all, I feel morally obligated to sit outside to finish this note because I think that too many people have been acting like tyrants and bullies who torture and terrorize everyone around them (or at least me) into submission. Those ogres seem to think only they deserve to enjoy their backyards. Fuck those sour rotting cunts.
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I am inside the garage now to augment and to publish this note. “Too much self awareness or too much self focus” seems to be the crime I am most vehemently “punished” for. Apparently I do not make spend enough time having “real time” conversations with humans other than myself about subject matter which is not construed as me exercising “too much self awareness nor too much self focus”. Apparently I am not supposed to even be able to cope nor to exude a sense of wit nor humor without having sufficiently many appropriate kinds of humans other than myself to interact with on a sufficiently frequent basis for sufficiently long amounts of time and by showing sufficient amounts of my attention being spent on subjects which do not pertain to me practicing neither “too much self awareness nor too much self focus”. Philosophy is considered to be self indulgent and unnecessary while pragmatic matters concerning basic expected upkeep related to living as a suburban neighborhood resident is quite a bit more tolerated. Real estate and paying one’s dues is a big deal. Apparently, if I am not investing 100% of my time in paying for someone else’s real estate (whether I use that real estate as my legal residence address or not), then I deserve to be evicted and prevented from having a job and from having hobbies as punishment. It could be that I am making this shit up or that I am just positing “worst case scenario” in order to prevent what I fear from happening.
Another thing I would like to suggest is that I am being treated as criminal or insane for not wanting to have sex with other people, not wanting to get into a committed relationship with a partner, not wanting to have kids, not wanting to make friends a bigger part of my life, not wanting to hang out with people more, and wanting to spend all my time doing only what I actually want to do.
“You cannot just do whatever you want 100% of the time. You always have to abide by certain rules which are necessary to follow in order to keep society functioning smoothly.”
I do not think that everyone follows all the rules all the time. I do not think that society functions much better as an organized government than it does an anarchy (though I could be wrong and suspect I am). I am glad to be part of a democratic and modern society instead of living in a more primitive and unstructured society. I strongly believe that the happiest and most genuinely helpful people are those who do not concern themselves with ethics more than they engross themselves in engineering and arts.
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I probably would be spending more time at my mom’s house but I am not mainly because that entire house reeks of housebound sick people. For several weeks my mom’s cat named Spyro was kept indoors at that house while wearing a head cone to prevent him from scratching an open wound on his face which had to have disinfectant ointment applied to it daily. I saw bits of his fur and pus caked onto some of the windows and left in various parts of the house. It smelled so bad in there (even though Spyro was then allowed to go outside) that I opened all the windows in that house to help get some fresh air in there and to help circulate out the pungent, congested smelling air which reeked also of “morning breath” and mucus. One last gross detail: while I was last there, I borrowed some socks from that house which ended up reeking like what I just described even after I washed those socks. I threw those socks away and replaced them with cleaner smelling socks without that smelly and slimy residue. One last detail: I am sitting in the garage to use my laptop instead of in my room at my dad’s house because the two bedrooms which are on that side of the house (my room and then the east adjacent room where Steve keeps his belongings) seems to be in “line of fire” of those irritable cunts who live (but do not let live) I was talking about earlier. Also, those rooms tend to get hot because they are directly exposed to the sunlight and those rooms feel like interrogation centers because there is crawl space beneath those rooms and the floors creek noisily from the slightest perturbation and the walls theme quite thin. I do not mean to be nosy (and I have no problem with what I am about to describe) but Steve’s room is very messy. Last time I peeked inside it I saw dirty dishes, clothing, and other items strewn about in a disorderly fashion. My mom’s room also had dirty dishes piling up in it which I washed last time I was over at that place. I do not mean to intrude upon people’s personal lives nor tell them how to live, but at a certain point their lives do have an effect on my life (and vice versa). I am hesitant to mention the psycho babbly term “boundaries”, but I think that ego “boundaries” is what interpersonal (cultural and economic) and ecological conflicts are mainly (if not exclusively) about. That is why I strongly prefer to be the sole inhabitant of my own “hybrid digital-physical” Summer Camp by Karbytes experience (and anything I would consider to be part of Karbytes’ solipsistic enterprise). If that means that karbytes has to “go to extremes” to acquire secluded and comfortable spaces in which to work on projects pertaining to karbytes’ web based empire, then that’s what karbytes is willing to do (much to the dismay of karbytes’ enemies).
I hope that karbytes is finally done facilitating the bitching and moaning component of the Summer Camp by Karbytes experience. It’s time to get back to living the dream. See you later!
This web page was last updated on 24_MAY_2023. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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