The police are using some kind of technology (perhaps some kind of cortical implant or cochlear implant) to interrogate me and to control my thoughts and behavior. They are deliberately trying to make me feel uncomfortable.
I decided to return the Toyota Matrix I’ve been borrowing to my mother because I am afraid that keeping it in my possession is too much of a liability to me personally. I am afraid that continuing to keep it in my possession is going to eventually become a major inconvenience to me because sooner or later it is likely going to get broken into, stolen (whole or in part), or used as justification by police to incriminate me (because in 2018 after I committed battery against my mother by throwing a steel teaspoon at the back of her head, my mother filed a restraining order against me which may still be in effect and which legally forbade me from going to her house).
(As long as the restraining order is still in effect, borrowing my mother’s car even with her permission could be construed as grand theft auto on my part. Also, receiving money and other economic assistance from my parents could be used as justification by the police to further incriminate me and hence torture me).
(I understand that there are probably some people who want me evicted and/or incarcerated and/or subject to psychological torture by police in retaliation for the crimes I committed which those people think deserve harsher treatment for. I infer that based on how they seemed to verbally abuse me and otherwise seemed to show hostility towards me. I take it that it is in everyone’s best interest to evict myself from Castro Valley and to not come back for any reason).
I decided to run away from home to live on the streets and in homeless shelters and to stop accepting money which my mom sends me out of fear that the police are using my financial dependence on either one of my parents as justification to incriminate me.
I think I’m going to have to prepare to not have access to a laptop until I get a job and become financially independent enough to purchase all of my electronics. (My laptop is starting to malfunction due to irreversible hardware damage which means that I might as well leave it behind at my father’s house once I finish this blog update). The police do not seem to want me writing blog posts nor using social media. The police seem to only approve of my using computers at public libraries for getting a job and for getting access to resources for homeless and financially destitute people. Maybe they don’t want me having any computer access at all and prefer I rely entirely on low tech means to get by.
I had to leave all my possessions behind except for a few outfits which can fit in my backpack and a sleeling bag. I left anything behind at my father’s house which I thought looked too expensive such as portable power stations and my USB charging vibrator. I also left my phone behind because I figure it would be a liability to keep it. I have no phone number at this time nor a phone on my person. That will keep me focused on my new life on the streets. Having a phone on my person makes it too easy to accept financial aid from my parents and too easy to distract myself from my grave situation. Now is not the time to surf the web nor read books nor listen to music nor talk to friends. I am not supposed to look back. The past is in the past. I can never go back after the crimes I have committed. Also, I have no more friends and have stopped talking to family. Those people are better off without me. They deserve better than to have to deal with my bullshit.
I have to start over as if I never went to college, never had an affluent upbringing, and have no hope of ever being allowed reentry into the information technology sector or any other white collar career path. I instead have to make a living exclusively from food service, customer service, or manual labor.
The police are allowed to bully me because I am a repeat criminal who has, within the past five years, committed battery which could have resulted in the target’s death or serious injury along with vandalism and petty theft charges.
It could be that I am being made to serve time in prison at a later date for crimes I have committed that the police do not think should be forgiven without further punishment towards me. Instead of preparing for a bright career path or getting immersed in hobbies, I get the hint from the way the police and other people have been treating me that part of my punishment for my unforgiven crimes is to be tortured via technological harassment from police to not engage in those personal enrichment activities. I am starting to accept that I am not supported by the legal system to enjoy my life unencumbered. Instead, I am supposed to be tortured into not being allowed to earn enough money to escape being in poverty. I am supposed to be bullied into having no house, no car, no phone, no laptop, and no money unless I first settle for living on the streets and in homeless shelters and perhaps, if I am lucky, low income housing or else living in a group home for troubled people which has strict rules. In summary, my life as a technology enthusiast and aspiring software engineer is effectively over and, instead, I am restarting my life as an impoverished homeless and unemployed criminal. It may be a while before I update this blog because I have to go through a bunch of bureaucratic procedures including upcoming court dates, possible incarceration sentences (which may last up to ten years or longer), involuntary psychiatric hospitalizations (because people have me committed on suspicion that I am thinking about hurting myself or others), and other trials and tribulations. I am not legally allowed to commit suicide. I am not legally allowed to steal food from grocery stores nor clothing from clothing stores, but if I’m lucky some nice people might give me food and clothes if I look needy and sit near a busy metropolitan area with a cardboard sign saying I’m homeless and in need. Other than that, I know some nearby homeless shelters which might give me a chance to shower, get some food, and maybe get acquainted with people who can help me find housing, employment, and other assistance getting off the street and avoiding further crime.
In case this is the last time I ever write a blog post, my last words here are as follows: from nothing all came, to nothing all returns.
This web page was last updated on 18_MAY_2023. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.