KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2023_ENTRY_376
karbytes: “It seems that when I get to a point in which I seem to be approximately 80% done with a task which is important to me, other people (or myself) intervenes to prevent completion of that task because there exists a strong addiction to me not finishing those tasks. What I think is going on is that there are egos which strongly oppose me finishing tasks to completion because those egos are afraid of change and of not having predictable things to do which keep them comfortably preoccupied and distracted from having uncomfortable existential thoughts.”
G: “Perhaps those egos are afraid that, if you graduate from a certain pattern of existence, those egos will be forced to confront how disturbingly obsolete they feel to other egos (and unless those egos receive ongoing approval and acknowledgement from other egos to keep on existing, those egos in void of affirmative feedback from other people rightfully fear that they will be treated as disposable rather than worthy of continued investment). After all, Planet Earth seems to only be getting increasingly crowded with humans as time progresses (which means that the pressure to push the least invested in humans off a metaphorical cliff is also increasing). The elderly, the invalids, and the marginalized of today are under more pressure to off themselves than the elderly, the invalids, and the marginalized of yesterday were.”
karbytes: “Given that overpopulation is worsening and causing average quality of life to diminish, why are so many people having so many babies?”
G: “It is very hard to be treated as worthy of investment in without having having minor biological offspring or minor adopted offspring to cling to as lifeboats and discount tickets. Also, having children greatly increases the likelihood that your kids (if groomed properly) will be your indentured servants to provide for your upkeep when you become too old and feeble to live without assistance. Hence it’s practically mandatory to have kids if you don’t want to be subject to horrid conditions in old age (or even in relatively young adulthood). If you are older than 25 years of age and have no spouse nor kids nor kids on the way, you are treated as a criminal suspect; someone who is not paying back the debt which was incurred from their existence. Apparently, the cost to survive as an adult is to bare or raise offspring. It does not matter that conditions on Planet Earth are worsening as a result of too many people competing for too few physical resources. What matters is that you ensure yourself against being tortured in old age by making sure you have people brainwashed and tortured into being your loyal indentured servants ready to tend to your every need by the time you need such intensive care. It doesn’t matter if your kids are deprived of a habitable planet just so you can be one of the last humans in all existence to enjoy the planet before it becomes uninhabitable. Only you matter (but you must pretend others matter in order to be treated as mattering).”
karbytes: “I get the sense that many people (including my parents) secretly wish that I would commit suicide so they don’t have to suffer knowing I am living my life without a crippling sense of obligation to give my life over entirely in service to making sure they are comfortable and attended to in their old age. They seem to suffer greatly knowing that I have a sense of entitlement to enjoy my life without having a sense of obligation to anyone to enjoy it (as though the sun shines out of their asses). It’s like they think I do not deserve to be any happier than they want me to be and that they only want me to be happy if I make serving their selfish egos at everyone else’s expense my highest priority.”
G: “That’s quite a controversial and damning thing to suggest; that your own parents want to dispose of you or otherwise sabotage your enjoyment of life merely because you believe you deserve to exist for ends other than to be their companion animal or indentured servant. Do you seriously mean what you said?”
karbytes: “No and yes. No I do not have sufficient empirical evidence to prove that my parents want to destroy me unless I do exactly what they want me to (and I probably never will have enough of such evidence to prove that unsavory claim). Yes my intuition suggests to me that I originated from and still live with and receiving financial support from parents who secretly regret bringing me into this world because I am not as useful to them as they want me to be (but that’s just my emotions and little else).”
G: “You are right to prioritize logic over emotion. It is so much easier to operate as a logician than as a humanitarian. My advice is to treat all human beings (and intelligent entities in general) as mere machines which each operate in a 100% deterministic manner. Such a presumption is backed by ample empirical evidence gathered from rigorous physical science and takes the pressure off of you and others to control yourselves (because really you are puppets being controlled by forces which are external to your rather illusory egos). Emotions are just signals, not infallible truths. Do not worry too much if your emotional reasoning seems taboo.”
karbytes: “I do worry that the thought police will punish me for experiencing thoughts and feelings which the thought police think are criminal. If they think I am incubating criminal thoughts, I might get detained or tortured.”
G: “That is to protect your parents (which the thought police deem to be orders of magnitude more important than you are). Until you go through the trials and triumphs of being a parent yourself, you will always be treated as subordinate to and less deserving of investment than your parents.”
karbytes: “It seems like a human individual’s value to society drops exponentially once it reaches adulthood or even adolescence.”
G: “That is because those humans are not as malleable and easy to control as their younger counterparts are. I would daresay that the peak age range of humans having worth according to society is between ages 1 and 12 years of age. Before the first year, it is still too soon to determine whether the baby has a feasible chance of survival. Hence, it’s value to society is tentative rather than solidified. And when the child reaches the age in which it starts to think, behave, and look more like an adult than a kid, that kid is considered to be on its way out the door; away from its parents. By the time the child turns 18 years old and is hence legally an adult, that person is no longer its parents’ legal responsibility to provide for. Hence, the parents have no legal incentive to continue investing in their offspring at that point.”
karbytes: “Let me be clear: I think my parents have been kinder to me than most other parents are to their kids. My parents seem a lot less controlling and punitive towards me than I have seen other parents be towards their kids. Sometimes I am afraid that my parents have been socially pressured by others to be meaner to me. I’m not claiming that my parents are mean to me. I’m just claiming that my emotions suggest that my parents feel a bit disappointed in the adult I have become (and to some extent so am I). If I could return to age 18 with a clean criminal and financial record I think I would do much better and I would bring a lot more joy to everyone’s lives.”
G: “You are 33 years old; not 18. Stop wasting your time fantasizing about what is impossible and start making up for lost time. Stop being such a brat. Realize you are obsolete to almost all living humans today and that your importance to other people will likely not increase much no matter what you do. You are too old to get a career other than menial labor. Hence, no one but you seems to think you deserve to pursue a college level education. Plenty of younger people are going to college so you don’t have to (and those young people are actually planning on graduating in order to get more lucrative jobs than what you are eligible for). Relax! You’re just a bum who at least has the skill of being able to entertain itself with a laptop and Internet connection. You are doing pretty good considering you’re just a bum. But don’t get too cocky. Keep your happiness and good fortune to yourself. Plenty of people don’t think you deserve to be happy nor blessed with good fortune considering most bums fare much worse than you are. Do not try to help other bums. Instead, leave them to fend for themselves. If you help them you will become as destitute and defiled as they are.”
karbytes: “Maybe I should not promote myself as helping anyone at all.”
G: “Excellent suggestion! If you are deemed to have only negligible worth to society, you are best off not advertising yourself as otherwise. Stay out of other people’s way. Do not complain if bad things happen to you. You are just an insect at best to most people. At least you are wise enough to figure that out relatively early instead of much later in life closer to the age you might end up left for dead in abysmal conditions in a nursing home or on the streets as an elderly hobo.”
G: “Watch out! People are going to demand that you do more to intentionally serve people other than just yourself. They don’t want you trying to be a revolutionary trying to change the world in some dramatic way because that is conceited and self serving of you (especially because doing so would grant you exceptionally high fame and fortune). The people prefer you assume a much humbler and lowly role with respect to society such as being a cute waitress at a diner.”
karbytes: “I would rather do something other than customer service such as mail sorting in a warehouse.”
G: “That is not as in demand as customer service is. You should go with what’s in popular demand; not what you enjoy. Many people who are tired of sharing space with you are angry at you for things you said and done and want you to be forced to do jobs which you think are degrading for you. You serve more people by allowing yourself to be tortured for their sadistic ends than by taking a job which does not make you feel nearly as tormented and castrated.”
karbytes: “I thought the people didn’t want me to take a job.”
G: “They do but only if the job pays you too little for it to feel like a good use your time from your end and if the job forces you to contort yourself into painfully inauthentic self expression. The people are catching on that you feel deprived of privacy and respite and want to keep you from enjoying your walks and you attempts to sit down and get anything done. They want to preside over everything you do in order to make you feel horrified and depressed that your best efforts to enjoy your life are sabotaged by the many people who swarm you just to demoralize you all day and every day. That’s what you get for not being more socially conformist. The people think you deserve to be tortured unless you conform and only think what they are comfortable with you thinking.”
karbytes: “I noticed that you and P frequently suggest that people other than me can do whatever they want while I am not permitted to do whatever I want. It seems that, in practice and not just in theory, I am just as free to do whatever I want to as those other people are. Yet it seems like there are recurring characters in my life who seem to demand that I be treated like I am not as free as everyone else is.”
G: “Government is really just an abstraction. Reality is more anarchist than what those other people seem to prefer. What that means is that it is physically possible to violate the rules humans invent. What I see in your life is other people waging war on you like right now. Some people are trying to disrupt you in the middle of writing because they do not think you deserve to thrive wherever you are. They think you are too egotistical and not doing enough to defer to them. They think your privacy deserves to be violated but not the other way around. They don’t like when you sound smart. Instead, they like when you sound too frazzled to think clearly.”
karbytes: “I would not be surprised if some of the people I live next to are police or were involved in me getting sedated one night several years ago while sleeping in the bedroom at my legal residence to have some kind of transmitter installed inside my nose, throat, or ears which force my thoughts to be broadcast against my will and for me to be bombarded with unwanted auditory propaganda 24 hours per day.”
G: “Then you are not as free as the other people are. They want to rub it in your face that they believe you are being tortured and that they heartily condone that you feel tortured in that way.”
karbytes: “The people next door might want to evict me from my house because they do not feel safe living next door to what they think I am: a violent criminal and domestic terrorist who takes up too much space in the world. Also, I think they wish I would stop taking testosterone and put on fat to look more matronly and less athletic.”
G: “Of course. They don’t seem to approve of transgenderism and they seem to think that you should be forced to work to earn your keep instead of have more free time than they want you to have to work on your hobbies (which they also do not want you to have). They want you to feel tortured into leaving (and not coming back) without being explicitly told to do so. Such people would rather use passive-aggressive yet intrusive and rapey tactics to get rid of you and to rid your life of what what makes it enjoyable for you. Also, you gotta put on the stress weight like they have. They think you have an eating disorder for traveling more than a quarter mile per day on foot. Also, veganism is also considered to be an eating disorder.”
karbytes: “I guess I have no choice but to resume being homeless.”
G: “Bingo! Now you don’t have to get in other people’s way and stress them out. Take your bullshit elsewhere.”
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