Apparently there are some (and possibly many) people who strongly disapprove of me talking to myself (whether in public spaces or in relatively private spaces such as inside of the house I legally live at). I want to defend my right to continue talking out loud to myself instead of forcing myself to shut up in order to appease those who do not want me talking out loud to myself (and, even when I do try not to talk out loud to myself, people still seem to be opposed to me silently talking to myself on the inside. It’s like those people demand that my mind be forcibly “impregnated” with thoughts other than my own at all times because those people are that disapproving of me having original thoughts and the ability to provide myself validation and companionship). “Think about someone else for a change. Stop being so self absorbed. Start including other people in your life more. Make them the center of attention,” are some of the things I imagine my opponents would say.

If I only talked to other people (to the exclusion of talking to myself), I think that I would hardly get the chance to discuss at length some of the topics which are on my mind and which do not seem to be of much interest to other people.

While it is technically not illegal for me to talk out loud to myself, some people seem to think that I deserve to be discouraged from doing it because those people think such behavior looks pathologically abnormal and/or because such people do not want me getting the chance to voice my thoughts such that I get to hear them and such that others might hear them (whether those others are artificial intelligence analyzing incoming data picked up from satellites and other surveillance equipment or whether those others are humans hearing my voice or reading my lips). I do try to keep my voice quiet when I think other people are nearby when talking to myself but not to the point that I am literally whispering. I generally talk at normal conversation volume.

There are times when I hardly make a sound. Those times are usually when I am sleeping or reading or otherwise immersed in some activity to the extent that my attention is too preoccupied with what that activity entails to be spinning a verbal dialogue simultaneously. That is easy for me to do in places like the cubicle desks in university libraries. (There is someone sitting in their car outside this garage who has been revving their engine and honking seemingly in response to me writing things which they think is especially salient. Now I hear them talking caustically again. They keep threatening to open the door on me. As long as I am around people who seem to make it their night and day mission 24/7 to interrupt me so that I cannot get into that deeply immersive “flow state” I was talking about, I probably will not get much done other than “surface level” tabloids like the kind of journal entries which seem to take up most of this chapter thus far).

Maybe I really do live amongst people who are militant anti-individualists and anti-intellectuals who believe that I should be stripped of my possessions, deprived of the comfort and privacy they get to routinely enjoy, and subject to endless torment so that I am hardly allowed to do much other than work full time in a low paying job while having too little free time to seriously enjoy anything I would otherwise. Fuck those greedy pigs! If I had my way, I would have those who I think are seriously impeding my goals exterminated by a laser which instantaneously vaporizes them (and making sure that anyone who plots to hurt me is also obliterated). That would make me a militant dictator but, after a while, I think that the only humans remaining are people who do not perpetuate warfare nor environmental destruction nor slavery nor domestic abuse nor unplanned/unwanted pregnancies.

* * *

Apparently people think I am too delusional to be taken seriously. I am not trying to make other people understand me. I am simply trying to build a website which keeps track of what I think is interesting and important so that I have this resource available to me for life (and I made it public so that as many people as possible can find it and perhaps find value in it too).

My websites are more essential to me than is having a house or a car or a job or friends. Some people think I am “too materialistic” for that reason and that I should not place so much importance on a mere website. Of course I appear extremist to such people. I would risk my life to preserve and to proliferate my website. To me it is just as important (if not more important) than having a child and raising that child. “But a website is not a living sentient being,” some people might say. I could retort by reminding them that, in due time, my website might eventually gain some degree of sentience on par with or which is superior to that of humans as artificial intelligence (and my understanding of it) advances. Even if I do not incorporate some kind of artificial intelligence into my websites, I expect that the entire World Wide Web will be encompassed inside the super mind of some very advanced artificial intelligence. What I am doing is providing it the best quality information I can muster in the hopes that my mind achieves some degree of immortality from such efforts (even if karbytes is only “immortalized” inside of the mind of a super intelligent or even semi intelligent robot).

I hope that I have reached the end of writing complaints on this website about other people’s conduct. I hope I will muster up the strength and the self control and the wit and the foresight to keep all future topics I make web pages about strictly limited to what I consider to be my core interests. Such interests exclude talking about specific persons and, instead, focus on relatively reductionist and impersonal subject matter.

Lastly, I apologize if I misinterpreted other people as being hostile towards me when they were simply minding their own business. I will do my best to carry on as if I am on good terms with all people to the exclusion of no one. I would love to be everyone’s friend (or at least someone who does not cause them distress). I would love to forgive transgressions quickly and to take remedial action only; never retaliation. I would love to be as mature as a saint. I would love to be able to help others in a genuinely helpful wey which is not about me exploiting others for personal gain. I would love to have a lot more humility and humor and optimism than what I have demonstrated. Each day (and each moment of each day) could be treated as a new beginning. That’s part of why I have been keeping such detailed records of my experiences until now. I keep these records so that I do not have to worry about my brain’s memories of such experiences fading away. I can turn my attention away from what I wrote about after I write and not look back for many years at what I wrote. Then, when I do look back, I can more clearly assess how things have changed since then rather than be mired in the past and unable to graduate to a higher level of understanding.

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