As long as I “play dead” and do nothing but procrastinate on stuff I want to do, people generally do not bother me very much, but as soon as I stop procrastinating (or even think about wanting to stop procrastinating), other people seem to protest quite vehemently. What’s their deal?

Perhaps those people are unhappy with me having any hobbies and prefer that I be forced to live spend all my time obsessing over money and working very hard for very little money so that I get a taste of what it is like to be a poor person after having grown up comparatively rich. I also think that people have a sense that one must suffer to earn their keep. Such a notion may be formalized as having to pay a penance (i.e. deliberately having to suffer as a form of payment).

I strongly suspect that one of my ex partners and former coworkers (namely, AJP) has been stalking and harassing me via cyber warfare for years because he feels that I owe him some kind of payment in return for how much I was apparently a “free loader” while spending weekends with him back when we were more or less dating and having sex with each other. (I have broached this subject with AJP several times and AJP has denied that he has been messing with me from a good safe distance yet I have caught him several times apparently driving past me while I was walking down the road and him calling me at times which seem to be when I am in the middle of some kind of drama which he would only know about if he was gathering intel about my life from a good safe distance and not telling me that is what he has been doing). I also remember that guy telling me contradictory things such as, “I don’t care whether or not you have a job,” and then later, “I don’t want to move forward with our relationship until both of us are more established in our careers.” Apparently that guy secretly planned on giving me the silent treatment until I start making serious money because that guy wants to use me to help him pay for his expenses and bare his offspring. The fact that I am not willing to do those things means that he may have resorted to deploying coercive tactics to try to force me to have no options other than to give into his demands (and it seems that society generally takes his side against me).

Of course, I could be full of hyperbole (as usual). I just felt that it would be good to “clear the air” and get these thoughts off my chest.

For the record, I do not condone penance. I do not think suffering should be valued as an end in itself nor forced on any person any more than necessary. Instead, what I think people should do is always try to minimize the net suffering in the universe. That would include not punishing a criminal any more than necessary to deter repeat criminal activity and not as a means to help satisfy someone’s retributive cravings. (I can tell that what I just said is not popular with the locals because I heard some clamoring from next door. I think that such people would rather perpetuate warfare than try to eliminate it out of boredom and because warfare is a convenient excuse to not direct one’s resources towards permanently solving major societal problems).

Lastly, I cannot help but suspect that many people are opposed to me “showing off” my talents to the extent that they want me to feel deprived of the right to enjoy spending time in my own home. It’s like the people would rather normalize and enforce that everyone be mediocre at everything because, if one person gets exceptionally good at something, other people will (especially chauvinists with short tempers and fragile egos) will feel jealous and angry that someone is getting away with having sufficient free time to get good at something. Even getting a decent amount of sleep each night is considered to be a coveted luxury these days. Being able to be healthy and sane enough to not want to be a vitriol-filled and jealous bigot seems to be a luxury these days.

Like I said, this could all just be hyperbolic and paranoid exaggerated musings from someone who has a persecution complex as a result of having dealt with some rather nasty characters over the years. Most people have been quite nice to me. Hence, it is not fair to dismiss the fact that the vast majority of people I live next to and interact with seem to be respectful towards me rather than adversarial.

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