KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2023_ENTRY_136
The following journal entry is intended to summarize what I am most personally distressed by (i.e. what has most been troubling me over the past three years). I intend for this journal entry to be the last time I mention those complaints to a public audience.
COMPLAINT_0: Since February 2019 I have been forced to listen to other people’s voices nonstop through some kind of multi-way brain-to-computer interface such that the voices I hear seem to be responding to the content which I am thinking about “in real time” and such that those voices tend to almost always be bullying me with antagonistic verbal expressions, intonations, and noises which I find anxiety-inducing, distracting, and depression mongering. I feel that having to listen to such noises against my will is a violation of my unconditional human rights (especially my First Amendment right to practice my own religion nonviolently and without violating other people’s human rights) because those noises seem to be designed to cut me off from being able to finish whatever my trains of thought are and from practicing mindfulness meditation (which involves me focusing on a relatively simple stimulus such as my own breathing as a means to cultivate a calm, focused, and happy mind). I do not like being deprived of the right to practice my own religion and to do exercises which I believe would foster better mental and physical health than what I currently have. I feel severely violated, sabotaged, and stolen from by thought police who demand that I be less happy, intelligent, and healthy than I would be if left to my own devices. I am horrified and dismayed at how little other people seem to show me any sympathy for my plight and, instead, seem to side with the thought police as though to say, “The thought police are doing the right thing by preventing you from having thoughts which stray from what we think is normal and conducive to being a good member of some group of (normal) people. Also, we do not want you enjoying a better quality of life than the rest of us. That is why we are opposed to you practicing meditation and studying mathematics and thinking outside the box of what we think is socially appropriate, familiar, and pragmatic. We do not want you to have time to think about metaphysical topics. Instead, we want you to focus on serving your fellow humans. We do not want you having esoteric thoughts. We do not think you need to deepen your knowledge of technical subjects. Instead, we think you need to just chill, lighten up, and not be so serious nor stodgy. We want you to use simpler language and burn less calories with your brain than you seem to prefer to.”
COMPLAINT_1: Even though I have been developing my primary and secondary websites for at least six months and have been sharing links to my websites on my social media platforms, not a single person to this day has provided me any meaningful feedback (even though I have made social media posts requesting feedback about whether or not my websites are being censored according to other Internet users or not). Considering how much my websites mean to me, I thought that other people by now would have provided sufficiently detailed answers to my questions such as what they see when they click on the link (and perhaps sending me screenshots). I am afraid that my websites are being censored such that I and perhaps only a small number of people are able to view my websites as I see them when I load them by a web browser while connected to the Internet. I cannot help but assume that some of the people who know me personally are deliberately depriving me of feedback about my website because they would rather I abandon those websites and settle for having only a non-serious web presence instead of one which I center my life’s meaning around. Perhaps such people are ostracizing me until I give up on having a web presence so that all those people interact with me about is what I do offline only.
COMPLAINT_2: When I attempt to get straightforward answers to my questions from other people, those other people seem to refuse to give me such answers and, instead, act annoyed that I want to have a serious conversation instead of frivolous bantering. I make a point of trying to be as honest, clear, and well-spoken as possible (because I take great pride in having a command of the English language as a writer and speaker and have cultivated verbal prowess over many years of practice). It distresses me that so few other humans seem to have verbal prowess. Instead, they seem to remain infantile, frivolous, and hardly able to articulate ideas into adulthood (which makes me think of them as people who basically stopped growing intellectually in middle school or in high school). There do not seem to be very many humans who are interested in and capable of having the caliber of conversations I wish I could have with other people. Hence, I hardly ever talk to other people and mostly communicate my opinions and ideas through social media by responding to other people’s questions and surveys (and I appreciate those social media users very much because they are basically the only people I have non-trivial conversations with). To make up for a lack of eloquent and intellectually-stimulating conversations in my life, I sometimes watch lengthy videos of smart people conducting interviews with other smart people and vicariously participate in the discussion (but the thought police seem to try to distract me the entire time because they seem to want to deprive me of being able to enjoy such conversations).
COMPLAINT_3: I prefer to be single rather than in some kind of committed relationship, childless rather than birthing or adopting children, and living alone rather than sharing a household with other people. I also prefer to spend most of my free time alone rather than in the company of others. Apparently my preference to be solitary threatens other people and seems to cause them to go out of their way to harass me and to treat me like a villain. Compared to those people, I am feral rather than domesticated. I spend a lot of time outside and have become accustomed to it to the extent that I generally prefer living outside to living indoors. Other people seem to have an issue with me happily minding my own business and living outside. They seem to think that I should be bullied into going indoors and living inside of someone else’s house so that I can more easily be forgotten about and while left in someone else’s custody as though I need to be supervised so that I do not have more fun than those who seem to be unable to go outside without a chaperone (e.g. spouse), dog on a leash, or kids in tow. People seem to think I am a villain for not wanting to have kids and to make family the center of my life. People seem to think that I should be deprived of the right to live alone doing what I enjoy without other people there to micromanage me. I cannot help but think that most people get married and have kids in order to avoid getting penalized (and that is why such people seem to be irritated and unhappy while I am comparatively happy and free (because I think that I trigger those people’s insecurities about them secretly wishing they were single and childless)).
(As a corollary to COMPLAINT_3, I want to broach the possibility that, once a sufficiently high number of humans become “enlightened” through psychedelics and education, not enough of them would be willing to bare offspring to keep the human population large enough to sustain capitalism as we know it. I am afraid that the government will forcibly rape women and force them to give birth if that were the case. What I would like to suggest is that no human being should be forced to get pregnant nor to give birth against its will and that, instead, society should outsource as much labor as possible to machines and that a smaller human population would make finite resources more abundant for those who are alive. Finally, I expect that humans already have the means to extend each person’s lifespan and health indefinitely such that the death rate could be roughly zero (which means that the birth rate should also be roughly zero to maintain equilibrium). I am not okay with murdering old people so that more babies can be born and, hence, take their place).
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