Warning: the following paragraphs may be factually inaccurate and perhaps detrimental to the author who wrote them. What those paragraphs are meant to convey are what their author (i.e. karbytes) thinks are some of the most upsetting and persistent experiences which only karbytes seems to be able to articulate and perhaps even be aware of. Hence, if only karbytes is cognizant of such experiences, it is likely that most (if not all) other people will dismiss what karbytes has to say in this journal entry web page as paranoid delusions or lying.

The main reason why I have a job is to be able to continue using my laptop computer and mobile Internet with minimal interuption and with maximal comfort. Without a job I can usually get some kind of government-provided or family-provided economic support sufficient to stay alive but not to have hobbies (because hobbies are considered to be luxuries which are non-essential to survival). I live to develop my personal websites. Doing so gives me a profound sense of meaning because it gives me a means to preserve my hard-won knowledge, express my ideas in ways I find aesthetically pleasing to a public audience, and a sense of control and ownership over some piece of the universe I inhabit. If I was not able to do what I said I live for (perhaps because I lack Internet access or digital technologies are not available), I would likely resort to other forms of naturalistic science-themed art such as writing and drawing and do my best to preserve those pieces of intellectual property such that I can access them for the duration of my lifetime and ideally so that other people can discover them fully in tact after I die (if I die).

What I have been telling myself a lot over the past few years is, “There seems to be a war on Karlina.” What I mean by that is that I seem to get repeatedly blind-sighted by other people “ambushing” me and seemingly attempting to discourage if not impede me from being able to use my laptop computer to develop software and other digital media I can call my own original intellectual property out of a sense of insecurity and jealousy. As far as I can tell, the vast majority of people are non-STEM majors (and STEM is an acronym for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). Hence, most people probably do not have the neurological structures necessary to appreciate what I do for a living and what I prefer to spend most of my time thinking about. Instead, most people seem to be accustomed to using their brains a lot less vigorously than I would want to and such people seem to piss away their time by gossiping ad nauseum about other people as a means to avoid thinking about how depressed and empty-headed they really are in comparison to what they could be if they were not so caught up in social obligations which implicitly require them to stay dumb, to not show off too much, and to not think too much. Doing otherwise means that such people would be ostracized, punished, and neglected by their tribe members.

It is frustrating to have to “sneak” coding time in when I think that I should be able to just sit down and code without it being a problem for other people. Developing a software application which I think should only take a few days has often taken me several weeks, months, and years as a result of not being allowed by other people to sit down for more than an hour at a time to do anything intellectual (and while being harassed while doing so). I think that many people are hoping that I give up on my STEM-oriented hobbies as a result of being exhausted by other people frequently interrupting me, saying mean things to me, and even going so far as to prevent me from being able to sleep so that I mentally fall apart. I am also convinced that many people hate the fact that I have a job because such people want me to be deprived of hobbies which cost a modicum more money than just living to eat (and not eat very well). In other words, people seem to only want to keep me alive as a pet so that they feel less lonely and stagnant in comparison.

I noticed that people often try to pick fights with me while I try to prevent such fights from escalating. A surprising amount of my time and energy has been spent merely trying to mitigate the damage inflicted upon me from other people who seem to want to ruin my health and momentum for pursuing intellectually demanding hobbies. I do not know what to do other than to continue working on my personal projects as slowly as I can stand (rather than postponing them indefinitely like my enemies seem to demand I do) and doing my best to only speak to other people when spoken to and generally only saying what I think those people want to hear and while asking as little of other people as possible to get my “needs” met (and I do my best to keep my “needs” as small as possible so that I do not have to rely on other people any more than necessary to be able to use my own mind and body as I prefer to).

During the past few days I have been working on a Riemann Sum web application which looks like it would need to be broken up into multiple JavaScript files because it is a rather complicated app. Rather than waste my time on trying to do something that big and messy right now, I thought it would be more pragmatic for me to make a web app version of a TRIANGLE application which I wrote last year in C++. The web app version would use the same essential logic defined in the C++ application but feature a slick web page interface which helps the end user accurately visualize what a triangle is (using an HTML5 canvas element in which to construct a two-dimensional Cartesian grid and green-filled triangle based on user inputs for three unique point values). That sounds like fun. I wish I could just work on my projects as often as I want to without having to put myself on hold so often just so that I can earn enough money to not be too destitute to own a laptop and software engineering hobby. Sadly, I do not think that most people are ready for a universal basic income and automation of as many jobs as possible because most people prefer to keep their routines of lukewarm comfort in tact even at the cost of humanity’s future survival and at the cost of being able to enjoy a higher standard of living. It’s like people demand to keep using their jobs (and other social obligations) as an excuse to not advance themselves intellectually (because studying rigorous subject matter is time-consuming and requires a great degree more mental focus and sophistication of thought than I think most people are used to). I am hoping that, within the next twenty years, most people will “see the light” and not want to miss out on studying STEM and on being able to end poverty, forced labor (which could otherwise be outsourced to robots), and unwanted pregnancies (because all three of those things seem to reinforce each other and prevent civilization from advancing to become higher-quality for every citizen).

This web page was last updated on 17_FEBRUARY_2023. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.