KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2023_ENTRY_128
One of my social media connections recently asked me if I am a woman. I replied that I have two X chromosomes (but neglected to say that I have zero Y chromosomes). I also neglected to say that I have routinely been self administering testosterone injections in order to acquire phenotype attributes which are characteristic of most adult human beings with exactly one X chromosome and exactly one Y chromosome. Essentially, I am an adult female human taking testosterone in order to appear to be an adult male human (to a certain extent).
Why do I take testosterone? I find the adult human male form to be more aesthetically pleasing and fun to inhabit than the adult female human form. The testosterone gives me significantly more muscle strength than what I would have naturally (even if I worked out to develop defined muscles). I like my voice better than it was before it dropped in pitch range by at least one octave (and certain characteristics about my voice have been retained such as the slightly raspy timbre which is great for rock music). I prefer to keep my hair long because I think long hair is sexy and because it helps signify that I am into metal (and perhaps my favorite genre is now black metal and my favorite artist from that genre is Satanic Warmaster). I enjoy being able to customize my human avatar to suit my preferences because it is my most essential vehicle by which to explore and interact with my encompassing environment. Finally, I like that saturating my cells with adult male human levels of testosterone turns off my fertility by temporarily ceasing my menstrual cycle (until and unless I stop taking the testosterone). Even if I were to stop taking the testosterone, it would be very hard to impregnate me (unless someone or something rips out my copper interuterine device from my cervix) because an interuterine device is supposed to be one of the most effective ways to prevent zygotes from taking root in the uterus.
I am not a big stickler for pronouns (and I personally refer to myself with genderless pronouns such as it (but not they unless I want to pretend to be schizophrenic with multiple personalities living inside one body)). I let other people call me whatever pronouns they want. Most of the time I hardly seem to need to use a name (but I typically say that my name is Kar rather than Karl or Karlina (but I do often use my legal first name Karlina for legal and logistical purposes) because Kar seems more gender neutral than Karl or Karlina).
(Because I am rather fond of my entire legal name (i.e. Karlina Ray Beringer) and am used to talking to myself using my legal first name, I still often call myself Karlina. There is no reason why Karlina cannot be a man’s name. Perhaps I’ll be remembered as some guy named Karlina).
I expect the testosterone will make me look like an adult male human and not some androgynous teenager within five years of consistent testosterone injections. Right now I am more satisfied with my appearance than I have been in a long time because I just recently started passing for a man.
It should be noted that, back in 2009 I started taking testosterone injections prescribed by Dimensions Clinic in San Francisco, California (which is a health clinic for queer youth). I met my first boyfriend Spencer during that year and he at first appeared to be supportive of my transgenderism until after we got “engaged”. Then he badgered me into ceasing the cross gender transition so that I would not end up being more masculine than him. I reluctantly agreed to stop the masculinization hormones in 2010 because I thought that society in general was making it difficult for me to keep up the routine. Over a decade later I see that Planned Parenthood makes “gender affirming” hormone access surprisingly easy and affordable (which is why I no longer feel obliged to stop in order to adapt to a society which is implicitly unsupportive of “gender affirming” hormone usage).
I understand that many people think that transgendered people are mentally ill and that transgendered people are basically in severe distress over the fact that they appear to themselves to be born in the wrong body; a body whose biological sex does not match the cultural gender identity they prefer to identify as embodying. Perhaps some (if not many (if not most)) transgendered people are mentally ill (i.e. irrationally obsessed with the idea that they are in “the wrong body”). I am not one of those people. I love my body and would not have wanted to be born in someone else’s body. What I am doing is simply making some superficial modifications to it so that it is even more awesome for me to inhabit. I love being biologically female without having to appear obviously female. It is fun being a man who has a vagina. It feels like being superhuman. It’s like I get to embody what I think is best about being both a man and a woman (culturally and biologically speaking). Female humans are supposedly better at longevity and verbal prowess while male humans are supposedly better at tasks which require brute physical strength and laser-like focus on minutia (but what I said might be pseudoscience). In truth I think there is only a very small functional difference between a biological male human brain and a biological female human brain such that both are roughly equal in terms of intelligence. I think that biological females might have certain propensities biological males do not and vice versa, but that does not mean that there has to be a division of labor according to gender (especially with the advent of artificial intelligence helping to automate jobs so that humans are free to do safer, more enjoyable jobs than humans of the past were forced to do in order to help human civilization survive and get to where it is today).
This web page was last updated on 13_FEBRUARY_2023. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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