KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_98
10_SEPTEMBER_2022: While doing a bit of Ice P.E. shrooms in north-east Castro Valley, I got to briefly visit my cat Brea on my dad’s driveway, briefly play the drums in the garage at my dad’s house, and briefly say hi to my dad before leaving to go fetch my sleeping bag which I left on the west side of Castro Valley on the border of San Leandro next to the cow pasture and overlooking the jail for juveniles, John George mental hospital, and San Leandro police station. It was nice to see Brea sitting down looking happy just outside the front door on my way out.
(On the inside, I was feeling the shrooms gradually kicking in and my mood was very serious, somber, morbid, and unflinchingly focused on what I have been worrying about. Even though I was happy to see other people and felt that they were more benevolent than not, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and even anger at not getting as much space to be alone as I want and believe I need to finish my trains of thought (and I felt ripped off knowing that if I just got the chance to process my thoughts to completion, I would have a much easier time moving onto new subjects rather than feeling increasingly sterile as the years go on and increasingly cut off from ways to move on as time goes on because of the way the societal matrix is structured to favor the chipper, socially enmeshed, and daresay isolationist and tribalistic)).
I walked through the stifling upscale suburbs to a gated entrance to Lake Chabot Regional Park at a three way trail intersection and took the left trail up towards the ranger station. I got disgusted at the site of big white SUVs and took a side trail off into the wilderness to lie in the shade of an oak tree overlooking many miles of rolling hills and, in the distance, Mount Diablo (which looked faint due to moisture and pollution).
After I processed some heavy emotions and thoughts which felt nihilistic, pessimistic about my future, distrusting of humanity, insecure that human society will not significantly improve during my lifetime, and disturbed by how so much of what I am forcibly bombarded with from other people is the idea that I have to have other people to focus on or else I will be treated as an outcast at best and a demon to hunt down and reform at worst, I decided to include a reference to one of my favorite musical influences and album. Even though some of the lyrics are a bit childish-sounding, I think the instrumentals, vocals, and story telling is wonderful. I find that band and album in particular personally nostalgic and comforting. (I know that I need to greatly expand the media I intake in order to keep up with my peers. I am very much living the life of an isolationist who is only partially willing to assimilate to my imaginary coworkers at Acme menial labor group or food service).
The album I am referring to is Countdown to Extinction by Megadeth.
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