KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_446
As self indulgent (and arguably not “necessary” to any person except for myself) as this may seem to some persons, I have decided to take the time to confess my sins to the general public through the medium of this website. (I am not sure whether persons other than myself have ever read the contents of this website because I am not sure whether or not my websites are being censored or not and, on a deeper level, I am not sure whether persons other than myself exist as anything more than holograms inhabiting what appears to be my environment (which is also “just a hologram”)).
I will list what I think are my “greatest sins” according to what I imagine my target audience is in chronological order (with the most recent events listed at the bottom of the list)…
Firstly, rather than graduate university in a timely manner, I dropped out of college multiple times and neglected to complete my assignments on time and to prepare adequately for exams (and I ultimately dropped out of college and have yet to pay my debts to the university (and I arguably wasted my mother’s money which she used to help me afford to attend university)).
Secondly, I threw a metal teaspoon at the back of my mom’s head during an argument. I was standing halfway up the stairs and she was walking towards the kitchen. I may have caused her brain injury and perhaps serious disability (which may or may not be apparent to the general public).
I do not think the details about the matter which I described in the highlighted text matters to the general public very much. What matters is that I am clearly the “bad guy” in that scenario and I believe that some (if not many) persons think that I deserve to be punished to the extent that I consider such punishment to be a violation of my human rights for what I did. Based on what I have experienced, the worst punishment which has been inflicted on me is deliberately mentally impairing brain interference from brain-to-computer implants and/or wireless electromagnetic signals since February 2019.
(Honestly, my ability to function within society has arguably improved in many ways as a result of being more limited in how I can deploy my cognitive resources as a result of such interference).
If I were the judge of my situation, I would pardon myself to continue living as I am (and, if the brain interference continues, I would only permit it to continue if the purpose of such brain interference is to help me function better rather than worse or as a means to inflict suffering on me).
Why should a committer of a violent offense which may have caused serious brain injury if not death in the victim I perpetrated violence against be allowed to function in the world rather than be confined to an institution or otherwise prevented from participating in society and from having fun?
Like I said, I think I am as deserving of “nice things” as every other person is because I do not see myself as deserving of being deprived of those “nice things”. (I would only mandate that a person be temporarily deprived of as few “nice things” as possible for as little of a time duration as necessary for that person to be properly evaluated and rehabilitated such that the person can resume living in the world where that person is no longer treated as a criminal by the legal system. I am for rehabilitation; not retribution. I do not think retribution satisfies any purpose other than perpetuating cruelty rather than stopping it (and stopping it is what I think the purpose of law enforcement should be)).
Some persons seem to think that I do not suffer enough punishment from other persons and/or suffer from feeling guilty about the most serious crimes which I committed (especially the one I highlighted). How I feel about the situation is that I would not change how I behaved in the past because I am happy with the universe I am living in (and changing any event which happened in my life in what I construe as being the past may cause me to not be in the universe I am writing this note inside of). I feel more anxious about “bad things” happening to me (and to other persons) in the future (especially if those “bad things” are a consequence of the violent crime I committed) than I do remorseful for what I did. I am doing my best to, for now on, only deploying violence in self defense or to defend other persons from attackers; not as a retaliatory move like I did to my mom. Like I said, I do not condone retribution (which means that, in my eyes, I violated my sense of ethics). That does not mean I think that I deserve to be punished more than I already have for that. I do not think I should have been punished at all, quite frankly. I think I deserved to do some jail time and some time at the mental hospital as I did (but that makes me want to say that all acts of domestic violence which are not premeditated should be treated as consequences of mental illness rather than malice). How long a person is incarcerated should be a function of how likely that person is to commit another serious crime and nothing more. I do not think that I am likely to commit a serious crime in the future. The justice system seems to agree. Otherwise, I would have been jailed for much longer than I was (and I was in jail for less than a month and was convicted of a misdemeanor and not a felony for that violent crime which I committed in September 2018).
Where do I go from here? I will keep relying on my mom for money as I have been for the past few years until I earn enough money from working (or some kind of government provided income or from “winning the lottery”) and spending most of my free time working on what I think are worthwhile projects and health goals. I do not plan to start applying for jobs until next year because I think I would make better use of the remainder of 2022 researching and reflecting on things (because I have a lot I am trying to figure out). I have been using magic mushrooms quite liberally to help accelerate my progress. Lastly, what I am most proud of for how I spent my time thus far in my life is developing the websites Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com and Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com. Those two websites are what I consider to be my greatest achievements and the most worthwhile investments of my time and energy. Those websites support my mind and prevent it from atrophying and give me a sense of control, comfort, and optimism. My websites are more important to me than is having friends.
This web page was last updated on 12_DECEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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