KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_42
28_AUGUST_2022: I have a lot of things I am trying to say which have been difficult for me to express in writing because I have been distracted by some depressed and irritable bitchy caricature who has been needling me via electromagnetic signals to my brain to stop being so childish, self-centered, and old-fashioned and more willing to open my mind to whatever she thinks is worth my time to consider. I see the deeper reason for her interference and I appreciate it. She is trying to get me to break out of the repetitive thought loops I have been stuck in for years which are related to me not wanting to be more social, financially independent, and emotionally resilient. Up until now, I do think I have been excessively sentimental and preoccupied with the past and with impressionistic rather than realistic interpretations of reality.
Just when I attempt to delve into Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com, the bitchy voice I have been talking about pollutes my attention span with antagonistic content which I think is more harmful than helpful to my cause. In fact, her interference is so detrimental to me that I consider this to be a personal emergency (and I am trying to downplay how much I am panicking on the inside). I decided to include a photograph of a poster I saw on the BART station wall which has a woman on it who I imagine looks similar to that antagonistic bitch who has been harassing me via what I think is microwave auditory effect (via the police and/or military). Having a visual representation of her in my mind and on this web page helps to make her feel less inside my head and more outside of my head. In other words, externalizing the enemy helps me to not feel so parasitically invaded, hijacked, and eliminated while she takes over my body the way a virus takes over a host cell.
Anyway, I expect that she will continue to harass me for many more months if not years to come (if not the rest of my life). There is seemingly not much I can do to mitigate her harmful effect on my quality of consciousness. In fact, I think it is counter productive for me to try to deploy some kind of “Jedi mind trick” to overcome her negative effect. Paying attention to her does not make her less annoying. What takes the painful edge off of having to deal with her is having something else to pay attention to her such as good music, comedic social media posts, and other entertainment sources which do not trigger my ego too much. (Generally, I get triggered when I read about other people doing what I want to do more of because doing so makes me feel anxious about how far behind on my goals I am and how much work I need to do to catch up (and whenever I try to catch up I get severely psychologically tortured by the psychotronic interference which seems to punish me for working on my personal projects)).
Perhaps I am being prevented from having fun and from doing mentally rigorous endeavors until and unless I get and keep a job (and that is mostly not up to me). So until I have stable employment, I think I am being treated as not quite being allowed to use my whole brain as punishment for not having a job. Even if I do get a full-time job there is no guarantee that the psychotronic harassment I face will lessen in severity. At worst, the remainder of my life will be spent solely trying to keep myself from harming other people and myself. (It does give me some peace of mind to permit myself to commit suicide by jumping off a sufficiently tall cliff as soon as I feel ready to end my life).
* * *
Things that bitch says frequently…
“It’s not all about you, okay?”
“Shut the hell up.”
“Stop talking to yourself.”
“You have nothing new to talk about.”
“No one wants to listen to you.”
“Stop acting like you know what’s going on.”
“Whatever.”
“You only care about yourself.”
“You’re only allowed to play dumb.”
“Get over yourself.”
“Yep. Uh huh.”
“Grow up!”
“You only have yourself to worry about.”
“Give me someone other than you to talk about.”
“Excuse whore!”
“Ooo ooo!”
“All about da face.”
“You only talk to your head.”
“No one wants to listen to you anymore.”
“When are you gonna grow up?”
“When are you gonna geda job?”
“Bye Karlina!”
“It’s okay! No one needs to listen to you anymore.”
This web page was last updated on 05_SEPTEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
KARBYTES_FOR_LIFE_BLOG 