KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_419
I think it is very likely that I might not be able to update the first 26 pages of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com by the end of the year 2022; especially if I get a job during the remainder of 2022.
At best what I have to look forward to is almost 100% drudgery related to making progress towards accomplishing my goals. At worst what I have to look forward to is being slowed down or else entirely prevented from making progress towards accomplishing my goals due to extreme hardships such as serious disability, incarceration, and loss of essential personal items which I lack the means to replace.
I decided to take my tent down so that it would not be a hassle to deal with if people see me camping and come over to bug me, arrest me, fine me, and/or destroy or soil my tent or whatever is in it if I leave it unattended. I might set it up again later, but I think it might be good to go even more “low profile” and hide under the overhangs in some corporate areas in Dublin that I used to have success hanging out at in the past. The rain is off and on again and has been that way for the past week. Because I have not showered in over a week, I decided that today would be a good day to drive (and not walk and take BART because of the rain) to my dad’s house to shower, do laundry, and play my guitar and/or the drums.
That little girl voice has been annoying as usual. I imagine what she looks like is a cross between Porky Pig, Betty Boop, Tweety Bird, and Veruca Salt. She sort of looks like a Muppet with big doey eyes while talking in a smug, soft, cooing, baby talking falsetto. She looks like a more prepubescent and pudgy version of Samantha with a pink flushed face which is short and round with childlike bone structure, lots of eyeliner, and a facial expression and intonations which makes it look like she is always whimpering and crying (like she is in pain and needs to go potty but wants someone to carry her to the bathroom but will not admit it because she is unwilling or else unable to do anything but make annoying, childish, attention-seeking sounds and gestures which communicate little more than, “Look at me! Stop what you are doing and be my audience! Don’t take your attention off me for even a millisecond! I want baby! Gimme milky! Daddy come fuck me! I wanna wittle boooaybeee to take caiw of that looks like me. Oooooo! Ooooo! Da Da!”). She makes “ooo” sounds a lot and annoyed whining sounds like she is having an orgasm while taking a shit and she wants me to pay intense attention to her every move literally at all times. She sounds like she is lying on her back in her underwear with her short fat legs in the air kicking in protest while she screams and moos angrily and plaintively and acts like she is trying to fart out a baby and get me to be her midwife while she does. She has a slightly New York accent and pronounces “dog” as “dooawwwg” (and she often says, “Geddajoooaawb!” because she wants me to have more money to spend on her and only her). She sounds like she is emulating a little girl (preschool aged) who is trying to be erotic; very demanding of attention; very whiny; and making her mouth shaped like an O a lot. Her mouth is always moving. She acts like she is fake shell shocked because she gasps erratically and makes fake surprised and fake scared facial expressions because she gets off on being a victim who can do no wrong in the eyes of whatever her encompassing society is (where girls and wimmin are treated like fragile, stupid, weak, crying babies who are supposed to act petulant, wimpy, and attention deficit while boys are men are treated like combat-ready body guards, authorities, and possessive keepers of girls and wimmin). She hyperventilates and, between noisy inhalations, she breathily and hastily whispers passive aggressive taunts. Her mouth and throat sound very tiny. If I could get away with murdering her without consequences, I would throw her off a very tall cliff or even have her murdered in a more violent and painful way such as getting mauled by lions. I doubt I would get away with murdering the princess. Sadly, there is no way for me to get away from her while she follows me everywhere I go and interjects in every one of my thoughts with her ugly noises. I will nevertheless try to have as much fun as I can and make as much progress towards my personal goals as I can even while that brat keeps draining me of my energy, time, and patience. (Just as I wrote that last sentence, I heard someone honk their car horn seemingly in irritation because they want me to be as miserable as the princess wants me to be (and a big SUV can driving down the parking garage ramp past me (and the vast majority of cars around me are large gasoline guzzling SUVs which look like military tanks))).
I apologize if the 2022 journal entries in this website have been tedious and unpleasant to read. I am looking forward to having much more enjoyable and personally meaningful subject matter to write about in 2023. I will let the 2022 journals be a “time capsule” containing stuff I am sick and tired of having to keep being reminded of which seems to be threatening to take up way too much of my time, attention, and creative output. I want Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com and the Karbytes Journal 2023 section of Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com to be a relatively pristine and inspiring refuge to go to in order to escape being trapped in a social and governmental environment which is depression-mongering, anti-intellectual, chauvinistic, violence-mongering, punishment-obsessed, retribution-driven, jealousy-driven, fear-driven, apathetic to existence beyond human civilization, politically conservative, and stifling of free thought and free expression of ideas.
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My MewTwo would flamethrower, thunderbolt, mimic, and “shapeshift” (if possible).
WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON THE “REAL SHIT”, YO!
(It’s not “y’all”; it’s “yo” (because “y’all” implies all persons while “yo” implies at least one person but not necessarily all persons).
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I forgot to add a detail to the previous detail and to a journal entry which I wrote last night: I like the smell of my own sweat after having a shroom trip or something akin to it because, unlike my “normal sweat”, that “stress sweat” on a “hero’s journey” has a pleasing and alluring odor. It is auto attraction and it makes me feel alive and ready to go on a grand adventure and to enjoy how sexy existence can be.
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To some person who is considering committing suicide as a means to escape what seems to that person to be an inescapable degree of suffering to look forward (probabilistically speaking) which is so severe that the anticipated suffering makes that person’s life (between now and some point in the future (especially a point in which that person physically dies) seem insufficiently worthy of that person’s time and attention to go through the experience of (according to that person), I would tell that person that there is a chance (at least hypothetically speaking) that, if that person commits suicide, that person may end up being reincarnated for some natural number of times, some infinite number of times, or zero times (and any one of those future reincarnations may be perceived by that person as either better, worse, or the same in terms of enjoyability and meaningfulness for that person to go through the passage of experiencing). What I mean to say is that suicide may not lead to an end to that person’s suffering (at least not forever into that person’s future as a being which reincarnates).
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P: “Women are deprived of privacy by men because the men are trying to protect the women from getting raped, kidnapped, tortured, maimed, and possibly killed by other men”.
Q: “That is not true. Women are deprived of privacy by the men because the men are trying to prevent the women from being able to have enough personal space to develop talents and to pursue an education and worldly experience which would make those women formidable competitors with men. Why else would the sexual dimporhism in humans be so extreme and strongly in favor of keeping the men dominant over the women in terms of physical fitness, combat ability, intelligence (especially of how physical reality, technology, and complex human-created systems operate), and even artistic ability? Women are physically assaulted and otherwise manipulated by brute force by men to relinquish her autonomy and development of faculties beyond domestic servitude, sexual slavery, and the procuring of offspring. To avoid intense suffering, women are bullied into submission and stupidity because they believe deep down that they have no other viable options. That is why they tend to be depressed most of the time and not aspiring to do much more than wait to die while keeping their mind off heavy subject matter with comforting distractions (especially pets, children, and hanging out with girlfriends).”
P: “Be careful what you say. A man might want to rape, kidnap, torture, maim, and possibly kill you for saying what you just did.”
Q: “I am not a woman.”
P: “You look like a woman.”
Q: “Suppose I did not?”
P: “Even if you looked like a man I still do not think you will be treated well by your fellow men (and women) for what you said. They will shun you at best and go out of their way to sabotage your life and maybe even violently assault you at worst.”
Q: “What a productive conversation!”
Earlier today (while I was at my dad’s house), I decided to take a picture of some of my pens, colored pencils, and metal pencil sharpener against the black desk in “my” room and post that photograph to my Instagram account (even though I announced in at least one prior journal entry within the past 30 days that I would not be adding any more posts to my Instagram and Facebook profiles and that I would also not be updating any other customizable details on my Instagram and Facebook profiles for at least the rest of this year (if not for the rest of my life (if not forever))). After I drove back to Dublin and started trying to work on my projects in some parking garages and getting evicted by security guards and being exposed to lost of annoying sounds from people with motorized leaf blowers, loud cars, and other distracting and fun ruining stimuli from my environment, I decided to delete the image I posted on Instagram today (even though I stopped at the local Michael’s store to buy a sketch pad with what little money I had remaining in my bank account (and overhearing a woman in the line in front of me telling the cashier that she would not allow me to focus on anything but my hips and try to make me feel stared at and uncomfortable at my next job at the pizza place (and I assume it is because she is a politically conservative woman who does not like that I am getting a “get out of jail free” card by taking testosterone and identifying as a female-to-male transgendered person instead of being forced to embody what I think she secretly feels encumbered by and jealous of me for not “having to maintain” in order to not get kicked out and tortured by my husband as she would (not that I have a husband nor want one)))), I feel tortured into doing nothing but lying petrified in my tent until possibly two in the morning after all the control freaks go away (but they might not because they seem to stalk me 24 hours per day). Perhaps I should just work on my hash table assignment for the time being and wait until I do not feel so pushed up against a wall and kicked around by a soccer ball by control freaks who want to micromanage me while pretending not to. I did not want to download Leo Gura’s latest video (which is at least an hour long) of him talking about political conservatives (especially since I deal with them enough in real life and am tired of them taking up so much of my attention so often and because I do not want a “dick up my ass” while I draw or type (and a part of me thinks I still should try to draw somewhere where I do not have to fight quite so hard for a modicum of personal space and quiet).
If I apply for disability or put off looking for a job, I would blame the people in my environment more than any other factor for making it very difficult for me to get as much value out of my free time as I think I ought to be getting.
The above sentence seems rather “victim-y” but so does taking a job which a robot could do for work which is really not essential (but nice to have and perhaps essential for that reason (because there seems to be no “purpose” to human existence other than for humans to have fun making of their opportunities what they will)) while I am deprived of free time, bodily autonomy, privacy, and the opportunity to fully immerse myself in academics and other things which I think are more worthwhile to me than trying to appease shallow humans so that I may “earn their keep” with their blessing (all while they have absolute power to cut me off from such blessings for any reason they desire).
Perhaps I will find that working at the pizza place will not cause me so much suffering and inconvenience that I would want to quit that job.
(I have been hearing the leaf blowers going for over an hour (and I did not see much leaves to blow (and they are coming at me right now to face me head on like they are seriously at war with me (and it is so loud my ears hurt))). I think they are deliberately trying to put me under as much stress as possible to ensure that I do not get more done than they want me to (and certainly not more done than someone who has to “work” as “hard” as they do). What I see around me is an aggressively underachievement-mongering and autonomy suppressing society which most people seem resigned to be in compliant submission to).
I apologize if I have falsely accused any person of malice. I would prefer to assume positive intent or else neutral intent in all persons until I have substantial evidence and reason to decide that those persons have malicious intent (but I also prefer to be paranoid and erring on the side of “assuming the worst in people” because doing so seems to help me save time and energy to avoid getting into painful situations as a consequence of my desire to uphold a “just world hypothesis” (which would include assuming that people are not trying to impede my goals)).
This web page was last updated on 06_DECEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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