KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_406
The truth is that I do not feel that I have enough high-quality intellectual property which I have created to show off for me to feel comfortable showing my face in public even though I do anyway (which I think is the main reason why I might appear to be a bit skittish and glum at times). Until I get my “end of the year” projects into what I consider to be an acceptable finalized state, I think it is appropriate that I will feel deeply uncomfortable until I do. Once I accomplish that goal, I expect my sense of there being major unfinished business to be a lot less. That does not mean that I do not intend to keep producing more intellectual property (and even adding new web pages to Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com and to Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com) after the year 2022 ends. I am expecting that, after 2022 ends, I will feel more ready to die (especially as a consequence of getting into an accident, becoming terminal ill with something like cancer, or else getting murdered by someone other than myself) than ever before. (The web page of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com named KARBYTES_ETHICS is supposed to articulate my agenda of making the intellectual property which comprise that website immortal (whether I fail or succeed at that endeavor) and to make my own continuity of consciousness immortal too (but I will also have to add at least one paragraph explaining how I acknowledge that I might fail at those goals)).
Even though I sometimes present myself as a solipsist (and hope to define what I mean by solipsism in at least one of the orange pages of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com), I do expect that many phenomena take place outside of my awareness and that, if and when my human body dies (which may be when my partial frame of reference and continuity of consciousness cease to exist), many phenomena will continue to exist without me there to behold them nor to interact with them. Then again, I might get to discover that dying is merely a transition point which takes me from one dream of a lifetime to some other dream of a lifetime (and perhaps I will even get a chance to see how the mechanics of reality work and get to voluntarily choose the circumstances of the dream I inhabit next).
My most persistent critics seem to be suggesting that I am the only person who wants me to flourish as an artist and to publish my intellectual property to the general public. Those critics seem to think that I deserve to be deprived of such things because not enough people (who matter to my critics) want those things for me. My critics frequently chastise me for the “crime” of “showing off” instead of keeping more of my talents and ideas from being expressed to the public. I think those critics are merely trying to minimize their suffering by minimizing my quality of life so that they do not feel that I am having a more enjoyable experience than they are (and so that they are not under as much pressure to “catch up” to me). I may be seen as an aristocrat, but I see myself as neither rich nor poor (but I see myself as at least minimally comfortable economically speaking). My critics may have resentment for me as a result of me getting so much financial support from my relatively affluent parents and not having to slave away at a dead end job like my critics want me to. I think I can do better than paint myself into a corner at a dead end job (and even if I end up taking a low-paying, low-skilled job, I intend to make it merely a stepping stone to a better job at most and, at least, a means to support my hobbies outside of work (which I basically live for)).
(To be clear, I am neither trying to hide my talents nor am I trying to show off desperately. I am just letting myself “go wild” and do what feels intuitively “correct” according to my sensibilities as a function of what I perceive to be the present moment state of reality. My critics seem to think I need to be more restricted, conservative, and reserved in how I express myself (or else they prefer that I express myself in a way which is not quite my preferred way to). So my critics might say that I am acting like a chauvinist for showing off and for not being as wimpy and subservient to other people as they want me to be. So be it. I may never live to see the day when my critics leave me alone and stop harassing me).
I’m about to head back to Dublin after spending a few hours doodling, playing musical instruments, and doing my laundry at my dad’s place in Castro Valley. This time I am bringing my tent because I was drenched in rain this morning after going to sleep next to the trees where wild turkeys fly up there to sleep (and I heard them occasionally gobble loudly which made me feel good because I consider the turkeys to be some of my favorite neighbors to share the Earth with).
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Later Update: The image below was shared as a social media post on my Minds and Twitter profiles. I unintentionally made the blob on the left side of the image seem more robust than the blob on the right (because the left blob has a bigger opposite core and more ribbons in it). Perhaps such asymmetry could be insinuating that the polarities of “yin” (i.e. feminine) and “yang” (i.e. masculine) are not really things I deem to be equally robust complementary opposites.
Lastly, after this year ends, I intend to update next year’s journal section no more than once per week.
This web page was last updated on 01_DECEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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