KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_403
Even Later Update: I thought I should let readers of this blog post know that I emailed and texted the URL to this journal entry (hours before adding this yellow highlighted paragraph) to AJP and I even called him around 8:30PM, but when I did he was coughing profusely on the other end and said he was unable to talk. Soon after I said, “Get well soon,” he hung up the phone without saying anything. I figure that AJP is either never going to get around to actually reading this blog post or else, if he does get around to reading it, he is not going to tell me he got around to reading it. Oh well. At least I tried to be forthcoming with my thoughts on my relationship with AJP with AJP (without being what I consider to be excessively forceful). I do not remember any human being other than myself ever giving me feedback about my personal websites (Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com and Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com). The previous sentence explains at least part of the reason why I am worried that my websites are being censored such that those websites are not able to be visited by a general public audience. I have also worried that AJP could be tampering with my websites (and other online accounts) and effectively censoring my content (and that AJP may even have government permission to do so).
Update: I wish I could regularly meet up with AJP to play many rounds of chess with him. I also wish we could at least semi regularly meet up to do psychedelics together too (but being able to play chess together is special for its simplicity and timelessness).
On Sunday night, AJP called my phone. I tried to answer, but my partially broken phone would not let me. I called AJP back and he answered and asked if I want to hang out. I said yes. He drove to Dublin to come pick me up and take me to his new apartment in Oakland about a block away from Lake Merit. We each did a dab before going to bed to cuddle, have sex, and sleep (or, more accurately, pretend to be asleep while relishing the human contact and finding it repulsive at the same time (because I do not like the smell of other people’s breath and body odor with hints of fecal matter and the disgusting sounds they make when they breathe and their airways are obstructed by gurgling, rattling mucus)).
(As a necessary aside, I would like to mention that I feel orders of magnitude more healthy, free, and hygienic living outdoors and living an active, balanced lifestyle doing instead of staying inside and sedentary most of the time. Many people would balk at the notion of “roughing it” as much as I do (but while trying to be as posh and modern as possible) because it demands a relatively high level of fitness, mental alertness, and ability to be autonomous and solitary most of the time (but I would not have it any other way seeing that my “digital nomad” lifestyle is relatively cheap, stable, enjoyable, and productive compared to other ways I have attempted to live)).
While I was in AJP’s apartment, I was able to get SQUARE_ROOT_APPROXIMATION and CUBE_ROOT_APPROXIMATION done while sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor next to the front door and behind a kitchen table whose surface was covered in a heap of clothes and other items. Meanwhile, AJP watched television on the couch (and he was not feeling very good because he had a fever and bad cough (but I naively thought I would become his “life support” companion and maybe even get offered my own key to the apartment so that I could come and go as I pleased (and I was able to convince AJP to let me go for a walk while he kept my belongings in his apartment and told me to call him on the phone to let me back in when I was done (but I was thinking the whole time how I wished I could just have a key to that place so that I did not have to deal with the chance that AJP might not be awake to answer the phone if I called, et cetera, and I just wanted the freedom to be able to come and go without fear of being locked out and deprived of my personal belongings)))).
(I did not make a journal entry web page which displays a screenshot of those social media posts because I am waiting until I have a few more social media posts which link to completed pages of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com before I make a screenshot of such progress and embed that screenshot image in a journal entry web page).
This morning after AJP and I had sex, AJP complained that the period blood which I excreted stank. I told him that I expected that to be my last menstrual cycle because I am about a month into resuming testosterone injections from over a decade ago. When I told AJP that, he said he was not attracted to guys and insinuated that we would no longer be partaking in romantic or sexual activities. Then he drove me back to Dublin (and, as usual, most of the ride was in silence). After saying goodbye as amicably as I could (and while role playing that we were lifelong best friends slowly learning to have a mutually gratifying relationship but while not saying any of that out loud). As I walked away from AJP’s car after he dropped me off at Dublin BART, I was happy to be free to live outside and 100% on my own terms again. (As much as I have an undying affection for AJP, I do not think we are likely ever going to be able to share a living space nor have a relationship which gets deeper than what it currently is largely because I do not accommodate AJP’s preferences enough and I do not currently have a job which pays me enough money to pay at least half the rent/utilities and to make AJP feel like he is not the only person in our household working that hard).
I do not regret spending the last two days hanging out with AJP because doing so gave me an opportunity to figure out more of what is going on “behind the scenes” of my life (and I still have the nagging suspicion that AJP is not quite done with me and that he is more interested in me than he acts like he is, but at this point in my life, I think I have a moral obligation to myself to exemplify what it means to be single, almost completely celibate, childless, nomadic, and unabashedly self absorbed and self serving (which is why I do not expect people who are relatively domesticated to condone my lifestyle because those people seem to think that I should work harder to earn AJP’s approval so that I can live in his apartment instead of outside by myself)).
AJP asked me on Sunday night if I wanted to have kids someday. He said he was trying to “settle down” with a woman who wants to have kids. I think he will find such a woman quite easily on most mainstream dating websites. Plenty of basic bitches just want to settle down, not talk much, not have much in the way of actual hobbies, and lose themselves in the “art” of getting pregnant, tending to infants, and vicariously living through those offspring as they grow up.
This web page was last updated on 29_NOVEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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