KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_371
What is more disturbing to me than almost anything is being cut off from being able to finish my own original thoughts and to pay attention to them because someone else is interjecting their thoughts into my brain such that my original thoughts are suppressed (and I am hence forced to pay attention to those foreign intrusion thoughts which are wasteful of my time and which may even prevent me from being able to realize insights).
At the risk of promoting a certain kind of “religion”, I will admit that I talk out loud to myself for the purpose of being able to hear my own thoughts (rather than have those thoughts get drowned out by someone else’s thoughts) and also to “prove” to observers which are monitoring my movements that what I am speaking matches a “thread” of brain activity where there may be multiple threads of verbosity which outside observers may not know that I am not the source of or am the source of.
Talking out loud to oneself is often seen in my society as being socially unacceptable and disruptive to business and even safety in some situations. Given that talking out loud to myself comes with such a hefty cost, it can be argued that I “should” minimize how often I do it. I am trying to minimize how much I talk to myself, but in my experience, as soon as I stop talking to myself and I am immersed in particularly intense and “controversial” brainstorming, law enforcement seems to more aggressively than usual silence me using punitive tactics and by filling my head with what I think is irrelevant and even untrue information which seems designed to do little more than stun me into silence (internally and externally) so that the government can take over and force me to be the receptacle of propaganda which does not serve my agenda. For that reason, I may be seen as excessively talkative to myself by others while, to myself, I am doing the bare minimum amount of talking to myself necessary to preserve my sense of self and to not be stunned and prematurely exhausted into a stupor (i.e. put to sleep by noises designed to incapacitate me so that I am not a burden for law enforcement and others to have to put up). We seem to have conflicting priorities. It is only fair that I fight to uphold my priorities if I think someone is trying to undermine them.
(I do try to stay away from crowds as often as necessary and where other people can see and hear me so that I do not bother them. I also try to wait until I am out of their vicinity to resume talking out loud to myself. Once I am in solitude long enough and feel that I have said enough for the time being out loud (especially through writing it out), I rather effortlessly stop talking out loud).
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