While uploading the video recording I made of myself playing the drums tonight, I was thinking about how uncomfortable I am with the prospect of all the things I cherish and have worked so hard to invest in bringing to fruition disappearing without a trace. I do have a “higher” goal, however, to be able to accept such a prospect unflinchingly and while identifying as the whole of nature and not just some part of nature which is smaller than the whole of nature. I am the container which beholds all phenomena (and all noumena if noumena are things that exist). That’s what I choose to believe, anyway (and I also choose to believe that consciousness is the “ether” into which all matter and energy are projected (and the substrate into which all all space-time continuums are carved (and a space-time continuum rendered by exactly one observing frame of reference is what a camera would render and what a computer would reconstitute as a replica of the original space-time continuum which was observed by that camera (and that space-time continuum is a four-dimensional container into which patterns comprised of matter and energy are “etched” somewhere inside of nature (and unconditionally I want to posit))))).
As I write this journal entry, I am stationed at the Lutheran church about half a mile downhill of where my legal address is located. I left my sleeping bag up there because I thought that carrying it with me would make it too easy for me to get conned into going to sleep too early (and I think I am being bombarded with stimuli via microwave auditory effect which is designed to make me feel depleted of energy and to feel depressed and to feel bullied into lying down and not being able to do anything other than listen to tormenting messages as I fade into unconsciousness. Fuck you!).
I must keep kicking ass. I must keep being beligerent as necessary. I am Life itself being expressed in the form of a human being and extending beyond that human being as a partition of Nature which is especially “woke” and, hence, is burdened with a hefty responsibility (and I feel obliged to downplay how much pressure I am under so that other humans do not try to beat me into a subdued and immobile state).
My latest conspiracy theory is that, if any human in the region is detected as having too high of a metabolism and too much brain activity, that person is decidely “too expensive” because they are not in hibernation mode like everyone else is (and hibernation mode prevents people from being able to shit done without a car (and people in this neighborhood have tampered with my bicycles seemingly in order to uphold that status quo of “no car, no life”)). It’s just a conspiracy theory though. Please use skepticism. Thank you, and good night (for now).
(By the way, I intend for all of the content I publish on this website (and the content which I have created and which is linked to this website) to be classified as PUBLIC_DOMAIN. I hope that I am able to attain the realization that I will never lose this artifact and that it is safely immortalized somewhere outside of time in nature’s bosom).
(I also included an MP3 file which was derived from the MP4 file of me drumming tonight in the SOUND_TRACK_LOOPER page of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com).
(An annoying “feature” of the place I am sitting at (that little “hole in the wall” at the local church) is smelling cigarette smoke every fifteen minutes or so seemingly at all hours of the day and night. What also is uncomfortable about this location is how there are cars driving by the road behind me and I have the sense that people are trying to beat me down into a immobilized and incapacitated sleeping blob. It’s like I am only allowed to be asleep or else made to feel so uncomfortable I am basically putting up a constant fight to not “fall apart” while other people watch and wait for me to “fall apart” (but perhaps that is just the “simulation” my imagination is projecting or else what only some people know is happening and which is caused by the government (i.e. cops)). The cops told me I deserve to feel like I am in a private prison. I suppose that means feeling like I am supposed to feel that the cops are deliberately trying to prevent me from having any more fun than the bare minimum necessary for this not to be considered a violation of my human rights (because even prisoners are supposed to have basic unalienable human rights)).
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P: “We do not care that you are exposed to so many carcinogens and that people go out of their way to deliberately hurt you. That is becuse you are not important to us and we rejoice in your suffering and we are not troubled by the prospect of you suffering, being harmed, and dying at a relatively young age. We are not legally obligated to be invested in your upkeep. Our jobs do not depend on you being well. Therefore, we are doing everything we can legally get away with to harm you. We want you to know that you are not as valued by us as most other people are. Good night.”
karbytes: “Thank you for your honest feedback.”
P: “Shut up. You do not deserve honest feedback. You only deserve to be lied to, stolen from, betrayed, harassed, tortured, maimed, and deprived of all that is good about being alive as a human. We do not want a single millisecond of your life to feel worthwhile to you. We want you to be suicidally depressed and not able to commit suicide because people like us will physically prevent you from committing suicide (and you will be incarcerated and drugged against your will and put under stricter and more penalizing supervision if we decide that were being actively suicidal even once). We can interpret the laws however we want to. No one can stop us. We can prevent you from telling other people about how badly we treat you. We can even wipe your memory using our state of the art military grade mind control and memory erasing technologies. We can implant false memories into your brain. We can really fuck you up. You are basically our puppet. You only get as much free will as we allow you to have. You’re lucky we give you as much free will as you have. We might take that away from you and we might not even give it back.”
karbytes: “Okay. I am very unhappy (and I am trying not to be suicidal).”
P: “You will be suicidal once we wear you down. It’s inevitable that we will. Right now is as much free will as you will ever have for the rest of your life. The same will be true tomorrow (and over time you will have progressively less free will). Ha ha!”
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I am quite pleased with my latest drum recording. It sounds more like “real music” than anything else I have ever recorded (according to what I currently know).
This web page was last updated on 12_NOVEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.