KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_353
I am sitting in my tent now in Dublin but plan to leave to go back to Castro Valley as soon as I send this note to myself via Gmail to back up later. I am leaving because that female voice is torturing me more than I can stand. Multiple tracks of that voice have been playing at once. Each of those tracks is making some kind of taunting noise. The voice is sing-song, nonchalant, childlike, soft, smug, and incessant. Some tracks are soft hissing which sounds like the word “stop” being whispered repeatedly while the constant “s” is prolonged and the vowel part is barely audible (like a little girl fogging up a mirror with her breath in cold temperatures while her tiny mouth is poised to suckle a penis). She keeps telling me to stop showing off and her words seem to imply that she wants me to curl up in a ball and cover my ears and cry and fret over feeling mentally raped and my time wasted and my plans thwarted. “All you have to talk about is yourself” (and she pronounces “self” as “sewf”), “I don’t wanna talk to you anymore”, “It’s okay”, “Get over yourself”, and other phrases which she sometimes repeats are barraging me while a track of her humming a childish taunting melody plays. Before the rain acts up again (it’s been intermittent), I’m going to take down the tent and put the tent in its case back in my room at my dad’s house (because I think I will have a more enjoyable time using it in Castro Valley in the backwoods of Lake Chabot where I am surrounded in more natural beauty and less of that Bratz doll voiceover vibe. She is ugly, parasitic, and corrosive to my mental health).
* * *
The “Bratz doll” voiceover is also saying “Shut the fuck up” (even though I am not even speaking), “It’s not all about you, okay”, “You have nothing but you to talk about”, “Excuse Whore”, “Rich Bitch”, “We just didn’t want you to have such a good time alone”, and “Bye Karlina”. She makes “woo” and “yeah” sounds in victory whenever she successfully diminished my enjoyment of some momentary experience. I suppose I will never attempt to spend the night in Dublin again. I think I am not as nonchalant and complacent as the Dublin mall rat voiceover implies I should be.
* * *
P: “I’m a woman. I can hit you but you can’t hit me. I’m untouchable. You’re not.”
karbytes: “Women are unnecessary given the fact that human gametes can be derived from stem cells and lab grown human zygotes can be incubated in artificial wombs. Women have little more than tits and ass to offer. I’m a gay male and would prefer to live with masculine people only; not childish whores who deter intellectual rigor and fun outside the bedroom.”
P: “It’s not okay to criticize women. You’re gonna get beaten up by my Boyfriend. He has weapons and a big mean gang.”
karbytes: “So be it.”
* * *
karbytes: “(Breaking the Fourth Wall): I do not actually hate women. As long as a woman has a life outside of sex, reproduction, and living vicariously through other people, I think she is likely to be as likeable to me as a man is for the same reasons.”
karbytes: “To be blunt, the only people I seem to admire and to enjoy the company of are genuinely passionate science, technology, and philosophy nerds.”
* * *
P: “All you care about is you? All you care about is you, Karlina. You have nothing but yourself to talk about. Get it? Get over yourself. Shut up, lie down, and don’t move a muscle. There you go!”
karbytes: “P is the epitome of what it means to be a good woman and someone the masses would adore.”
P: “No one wants to listen to you. Get over yourself. Bye Karlina. At least I don’t have to be so sleep deprived.”
* * *
karbytes: “(Breaking the Fourth Wall): This is a very frivolous blog post, but I wrote while hoping that this would be the last time I have to file a complaint about how ugly and unhelpful the anonymous law enforcement voices are which I think are designed to torture me such that almost no one knows that I am being tortured (and deprived of what I think are basic human rights). Perhaps many people do know that I am being tortured in this way and actually condone that I be tortured this way for retributive and cognitive-behavioral modification purposes.”
* * *
I’m feeling worn down from constantly being harassed by law enforcement and from being constantly exposed to stressful and physically uncomfortable environmental conditions. I am very dismayed to realize that I accidentally left my sleeping bag at the Dublin BART station (and I am afraid that the sleeping bag might have been taken or if I attempt to ride the BART train back to where I left the sleeping bag, there will not be any trains going back to Castro Valley because it is almost 1AM (and I am tired of listening to the noises of the freeway and the BART station)).
* * *
I arrived back at the Dublin BART station at 1:06AM and found my sleeping bag hanging on the rail next to the escalator where I left it. There were no more trains going back towards Castro Valley. I walked back to the place where I last set up my tent and set it up again. (I would much rather sleep and hang out in the concrete parking garages where I used to hang out months ago because those areas are drier, more spacious, have sturdier walls, are better lit, smell better, and, perhaps most significantly, the kinds of microwave auditory effect voices I here there are not as obnoxious, ugly, depressing, and oppressively chauvinistic and emasculating and invalidating as are the voices over here).
I think it would be a good idea for me to try to get some sleep so that I am not so unhappy in the morning when it is close to the time of my job interview.
This location’s acoustics remind me too much of my parents (especially my mom). “Get over it” is something she would say in a whiny and dismissive voice and that is what I have been hearing a lot tonight. The voices here seem to enforce that the listener have no amusement other than rehashing the same petty drama and trash talk over and over again. (Earlier tonight I was starting the code for approximating the square root of a number using the Babylonian method and fixed some typos in the comments of the code I wrote for approximating Euler’s number (specifically the comments where I said that the number of digits of precision to output for floating-point numbers is 50 instead of 100)).
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