KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_285
karbytes_0: “I am only as intelligent as is the informational scaffolding which comprises my memories.”
karbytes_1: “karbytes_0 failed to mention that ‘spontaneous’ informational downloads could occur to contradict what karbytes_0 said.”
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While high on penis envy shrooms tonight, I rendered the experience of having species dysphoria; feeling like an alien from a “higher dimension” confined to a “lesser dimension” and constrained by the configuration of neurons which comprises my human body; the container of otherwise unbounded intelligence localized to just this “point” (but this “point” is rich with memories and sensory inputs).
I felt bad for other animals which I have treated as less intelligent than humans realizing they are my retarded cousins.
I felt bad realizing that other animals were being used as scapegoats for my comfort; marionettes acting out the nervous energy (ENGERY) my body could not or would not willingly(?) contain. So other beings had to do the dance so that I would not have to. And I am glad because they made me feel noticed and I was glad to notice them. In order for life to exist, there must be chasing of goals without complete fulfillment at one time from the perspective of a goal-oriented organism.
I am listening to crickets chirping and wondering why, as soon as I put my attention more intently on them, they briefly stopped chirping.
I remembered the way I formed a weird relationship with a red tailed hawk in Dublin. When I saw it with a dead squirrel in its talons while perched on the staircase of the BART parking garage, I started talking at the hawk and it looked back at me (while its mirror neurons were activated) and started moving its mouth as though to imitate me speaking.
Months later I think I saw the same red tail hawk again perched on a lamp. When I looked at it, it did a dance-like move with its head like we were “breaking the fourth wall” and speaking on the same “wavelength” as peers.
When I was a child, I saw my cat rape its sister in front of me while he looked me straight in the eyes. Was that a performance for me? (I imagine some humans would say that is absurdly self centered for me to suggest; that the brother mounting the sister and biting her neck was not something that would happen without me being there to witness the act). That scene occurred on the grass lawn in the backyard beneath the blue sky and next to the redwood tree.
I noticed that I have had the most candid (i.e. not scripted) experiences with cats outside rather than inside. Once we are both outside of a building, we seem to be able to interact as peers rather than as me being the dominant creature who opens doors and who feeds the other.
When I was a child I took pleasure in locking a wild cat in the house and watching it run frantically upstairs to start clawing at the windows. Only outside could it feed itself and be free to live on its own volition without my meddling.
I am not mentally ill enough to require the enslavement and captivity and forced dependence of a canine. Extrapolate as you will…
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I am tripping in amazement and gratitude for the reality of the Internet and of computing technologies (and electronics). That is what I most appreciate about being part of the human species.
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