KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_271
Some people may ask the rhetorical question, “What is the purpose of you building and attempting to preserve a personal legacy of a website given the fact that you seem to be the only person who values that website?” I would answer by saying, “I value building and attempting to preserve my website for as long of a time period as possible because I believe that my future selves exist (or will exist) and will glean comfort and insight from visiting the web pages which my past selves created. I have already verified that this is possible firsthand by embodying both the older selves who created web pages and the newer selves who visited those web pages several days, months, and years after those web pages were created and gleaned sufficient satisfaction from such a process to justify continuing to implement that process. That process gives me a sense of control over my life which I would otherwise not have and a degree of self knowledge I do not think would be possible otherwise. So even if my website is deleted after I die, I still think that working on that website for the duration of my lifetime is personally worthwhile because it gives me the things I want which I believe I cannot get by any other means. I understand that you think that I am not making other people sufficiently essential to my website’s creation, evolution, and preservation and for that reason, you think that my website does not deserve to flourish. That is where you and I seem to disagree and not be able to reach a consensus. I see that you do not seem to stop pestering me about how I do not do enough to pander to people other than myself (and I see that the fact that I feel fiercely and zealously defensive of my website (and activities in general) is me being more self serving and asocial than you think I ought to be. Rather than keep arguing with you at the risk of exhausting my cognitive resources to the extent that I can do little more than undergo nervous breakdowns and crippling depressions, I would rather avoid fighting with you so that I do not burn myself out like you seem to want me to.”
I saw (and participated) in a survey on Twitter today about which category people think is most important to spend their money on. What I chose was food. What most of the participants of that survey chose was renting a housing unit. I see that society is “rigged” to make it very difficult for people to maintain their mental health without a legal residence to call home (but, after years of practicing living outside as an urban camper, I have come to see food as more essential to my functioning than is having an opaque container with a lockable door, electricity, water, and other built-in utilities to call home). Although not living indoors (if not being outright homeless) is not technically illegal, society definitely discourages people from living without a legal housing unit. I think that is to ensure that people do not have enough free time and money simultaneously to pursue their art and self-determined intellectual pursuits. I am trying to “beat the system” by having a part time job which does not demand much of me intellectually while continuing to live out of a backpack as a nomad so that I can use the money I earn from working to fund my personal projects instead of spending almost all of it on renting a housing unit like “the system” seems to implicitly want me to.
Bare in mind that, like many of my writings, this journal entry might be a bit hyperbolic. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I will say that I feel that society is much more willing to support my body than it is my mind. I think that is because, fundamentally, society values me little more than a worker (i.e. employee) which supports the functioning of society’s infrastructure and/or a breeder which gives birth to and raises children who are also valued for little other than working to support society’s infrastructure as an employee and/or a parent who gives birth to and raises children who are also valued for little other than working to support society’s infrastructure as an employee and/or a parent who…(on and on this recursive process goes until society collapses and/or humans go extinct).
I never wanted to be a parent. Hence, all I really am to society is an employee (and, because my website is not a part of my duties as an employee, my website is treated as a selfish indulgence which does not deserve to be promoted as something people should visit nor emulate (and I think that the guardians of “the status quo” would censor if not delete my website if they had the power to do so because they do not want the ideas I write about to reach a public audience because, if they did, more people might want to “cheat the system” like how I am and use their money and time to pursue endeavors which are not about being a public servant and/or parent)).
(I almost wrote a closing paragraph which expresses gratitude for whoever the reader of this web page is allocating some of its attention span towards processing the information presented on this web page, but, after thinking about it for a minute, I decided not to because I think it is meaningless to thank an animal for doing what it feels compelled to “choose” to do with its time and energy. That would be akin to me saying, “Thank you for stopping by this tree I planted to pluck an apple from it to devour. I am glad that you are deriving benefit from the fact that I planted this tree.” That is not to suggest that I disapprove of you taking an apple from my tree. It is to suggest that I did not demand that you take an apple from my tree in order for the labor that went into planting that tree to feel personally worthwhile. I get enough satisfaction from planting my tree and watching it grow and thrive as I bask in its shade and admire its beauty to continue investing in its welfare. I do not need to harvest apples from that tree nor to get other people to harvest its apples in order for me to say that investing in that tree’s development is worth my time and energy because the value I glean from my tree is not a commodity I intend to sell for money, products, or services. In other words, the value I get from my most personally significant investments is intrinsic rather than extrinsic).
This web page was last updated on 21_OCTOBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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