“We do not think you deserve to feel good,” said the thought police to me via microwave auditory effect. Perhaps they are being facetious in the hopes that I learn to not take them seriously and to counter the unhelpful things they say to me with logic which helps me to remain calm, proactive, and content. Perhaps they seriously intend for me to feel miserable. At present, I think that the latter is more true than the former (or else I think it is more productive for me to pretend that I believe the latter is true).
The police voices are worse in Dublin for me than they are in Castro Valley. The voices in Castro Valley are not as impatient, interrupting, almost exclusively ad hominem, and quite frankly wasteful of my cognitive resources as the voices in Dublin are.
The voices in Dublin seem to be insinuating that I am not supposed to have a life outside the home and that’s what my mom thinks should be the case. Whatever. People can say whatever they want.
“You are only worried about yourself,” said one of the voices. Okay. “All you think about is you, Karlina,” said another one of the voices. Okay also. I think I am more self-centered than most people are. I only really intend to go to work to support my health and individualistic hobbies and basically nothing else. Apparently, I have nothing to talk about other than myself and what little interests me. Hence, people are not missing out much when I avoid socializing and keep to myself because I have so little to willingly offer them.
I noticed that the voices are unresponsive and quick to cut me off whenever I start thinking or talking to myself (and necessarily them) about environmental sustainability and other large-scale humanitarian issues. It’s as though the voices are insinuating that I have already been permanently relegated to the category of being too self-centered, too inexperienced, and too uneducated to be an activist. Plenty of other bright-eyed and bushy-tailed youngsters are far more qualified than I ever was, am, and will be to be political activists and humanitarians. My role in society seems to be serving the people as a bad example; a token grouch; an anal-retentive miser; an incurable narcissist; a rage-prone brat who is not allowed to “grow up” and participate in adult-level conversations. I suppose I will just be allowed to play with my busy beads and keep my head down and do my best not to draw attention to myself. Also, I should stop expecting and feeling entitled to feedback about my websites or even for the right for my websites to be publicly accessible and safe from being tampered with by people who are not me. After all, my websites hardly seem to be garnering any traffic and my websites hardly seem to serve people other than just myself. For that reason, my website does not deserve to be treated as something worthy of protecting and promoting. It does not deserve to exist.
Instead of spending so much time writing “love notes” to myself, perhaps I should be spending more time earning a paycheck doing chores which pragmatically serve other people and make their lives easier and more satisfying. Perhaps my websites should be removed from the Internet because it is a bad influence on other people because my websites insinuate that, if I can be this introverted and verbose and spend all that time luxuriating in a hermetic bubble of introspection, other people should be able to do so as well. That’s not good for business! We cannot allow people to have that much free time and room to generate ideas which do not support the societal status quo. Instead, people should be prevented from allowing their minds to wander away from their civic duties and indebtedness to other people. We must not let jobs get outsourced to robots. We must not ensure that all able-bodied people spend most of their lives working for pay such that they have insufficient time off from working to do much other than be full-time consumers, indentured servants, and caretakers of children, elderly, and invalids. Rather than look up in the night sky pondering what else exists beyond the scope of Planet Earth and human civilization, people should keep their eyes on their homes, work places, and community spaces and finding meaning in the here and now rather than anywhere else.
Even if the human species goes extinct within 300 years due to irreversible climate destabilization, environmental toxicity, famine, disease, and warfare, every able-bodied human adult should have as many children as it can afford to. The nuclear family is the most fundamental building block of human civilization. Family life is what is supposed to give people’s lives meaning; not being a reclusive egotist like Karlina. People like Karlina do not deserve to have a comfortable standard of living. Only the family first people do.
Thank you for letting me vent. I apologize (to whoever “needs” this apology) if I said things which were untrue or unhelpful. From this point forward, I will do my best to avoid complaining.
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