KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_242
To Whom It May Concern:
I have reached a point in my life where I simply cannot willfully stand to continue doing some of which I have been repeatedly doing: letting a very tiny percentage of the human population be my target audience and substitute for almost all other humans in my life and in my notions of what human civilization is. That small group of tyrannical, untouchable bullies has gotten away with subjecting me with what I think is inhumane and therefore unethical treatment for years. Rather than “waste” more of my time, energy, and money trying to get those bullies to stop interfering with my activities and/or to get other people to take interest in the plight I describe and to show compassionate and proactive support for my causes, I have decided to let humanity go with this journal entry. What I mean by “let go” is to stop trying to get humans other than myself to advocate on my behalf. What I aim to do for the rest of my life is be as self reliant as possible, to uphold an employment situation which I think is suitable for my personal goals and preferences, and to allocate as much of my time, energy, and money as possible towards the hobbies which I intend for my websites to document.
Other than focus primarily on personal development (including studying Science Technology Engineering Mathematics (STEM), pursuing artistic outlets, experimenting with psychedelics, and being an avid survivalist and outdoors enthusiast), I intend to help promote ecological sustainability (especially the switch from fossil fuels and other polluting energy production means to pollution-free energy sources such as photovoltaics and geothermal).
I noticed that my “enemies” have been consistently reluctant to discuss the subjects I broached in the previous paragraph (especially the topics pertaining to environmental sustainability). I noticed that many of the people around me seem to mirror my “enemies” in terms of priority selection and cognitive resource allocation. I think that is because the vast majority of humans in my midst are almost inextricably enmeshed with the fossil fuels industry like their lives depend on it. Usually they cite that anything but fossil fuels is “too expensive” and should, hence, not be considered as a feasible option (yet such people seem to be “comfortable” not proposing any real solutions to the problem of ecological collapse as a result of continued widespread fossil fuels dependence while they wait for the rich oligarchs making secretive deals behind the scenes to get around to fixing civilization’s infrastructure so that the “little people” can focus on taking care of themselves and their small circle of loved ones while telling themselves that everything will work out in their favor and that they should just not worry about anything beyond what they routinely see, hear, and touch and to pat themselves on the back for not taking on too much responsibility while cultivating a pleasing demeanor which helps keep themselves and their loved ones from devolving into rage, panic, and self-loathing).
It seems that my “enemies” want me to feel ganged up on, harassed, and deprived of space to hear myself think to the extent that I am seriously on the verge of implementing a suicide plan. It is literally that bad at this time of writing. I think that my “enemies” are trying to prevent me from being able to set and achieve any goals which I assign deadlines to and that my “enemies” are always scheming to prevent me from finishing what I set out to do and, if I do end up fighting to get it done, it will leave me feeling punished, traumatized, battered, and depleted such that I am forced to make progress at a rate which is orders of magnitude slower than I think it could otherwise be. (In the past I used to be much more of a chronic procrastinator than I am now, but now that I have an intense sense of urgency and scarcity about opportunities in my life, I do not think I will ever again fall back into chronic procrastination because my brain has rewired itself to think more logically than it used to. If my “enemies” are trying to overwhelm my mind with stressful content which diffuses my focus and undermines the quality of my creative work as a means to discourage me from procrastinating, I think my enemies have gone to far and are no longer being helpful to me. I cannot stress that last point enough: the fact that whatever “help” my “enemies” are giving me does not really seem designed to actually help me but, rather, to hurt me and to make it look like I am voluntarily isolating myself and voluntarily lowering the quality of my thoughts so that, after enough years go by in which I hardly interact with anyone beyond just superficial and brief exchanges where I am hardly more than just an interchangeable cog in some machine rather than a close friend to anyone but myself, none of my former friends and family will know whether I am alive or dead, sick or well, rich or poor, et cetera. Those people would not know that I have been drugged, kidnapped, tortured in a basement, retrofitted with mind-control devices, and effectively held hostage in my body even while my body appears to be nonchalant and minimally functional before the general public).
“Get over yourself,” my enemies say. What I think they mean is, “No one but you seems to know that you are being deprived of the abilities and attributes you most cherish about yourself (and even if other people do know, they sure do not mind that you feel deprived of the right to hear yourself think without being constantly interrupted and suppressed by those who want you to feel mentally handicapped with no means to regain access to your own mental prowess. This is to make it so that you have nothing to show off and nothing to talk about so that you are easy to ignore and to dismiss as a loser because not enough people genuinely like you and plenty of people genuinely dislike you and rejoice in the thought of you being tortured in this way).”
Apparently, I am a sociopath for not wanting to let go of my personal goals in favor of turning into a physically and mentally unfit version of myself for other people’s convenience. Apparently, I do not deserve to feel good about my mental and physical fitness because I am decidedly an irredeemable criminal and someone other people used to be jealous of. Apparently, I deserve to feel so unhappy that I genuinely want to commit suicide (yet I will likely be prevented from committing suicide because my “enemies” want to keep me alive so that they can keep using me a research specimen, slave, and source of sadistic amusement).
Seeing how little I have seen other human beings have acknowledged the strife I have attempted to document as extensively as necessary in this website (i.e. the strife pertaining to the mind control technologies I think are being deployed in order to suppress my thoughts and communications), I think now is a good time to close the door on this subject and just move on to loftier and more satisfying subject matter. I consider myself to be slowly (but not too slowly) dying of a painful invisible terminal illness which other people refuse to believe I have while I work overtime to cope with my condition and to leave some kind of meaningful legacy using my websites. I expect that, within two years, Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com will be complete to my satisfaction and, after I spend three months backing it up to the WayBack Machine and getting my personal affairs in order, I will do some kind of physical and/or mental suicide ritual. (I hope that I end up doing only the mental suicide ritual first using a powerful ego-shattering psychedelic such as 5-MeO-DMT perhaps by paying for a special retreat in order to do so in some foreign country or else finding sources within this country).
To be completely honest, the main reason why I have been feeling deeply unsettled for the past several months is that I know my website legacy is still incomplete and that I have to suffer a lot more to get it into a relatively complete state. (As long as I have “unfinished business” I cannot stand to leave unfinished, I am not likely to commit suicide unless my nervous system is hijacked to a more extreme extent by whoever wants to get rid of me and whoever has the means to hijack my nervous system and render me a puppet of that person’s dictates). I am hoping and expecting that getting Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com (and Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com) up to date will be less painful for me and more efficient after I start earning paychecks from working at what I think will be load crew at the nearby Smart & Final store. I still have not been given a solid start date nor have had the opportunity to set up direct deposit and to arrange to not have my W-2 form mailed to my legal address and such. Tonight I plan to buy a pair of black jeans from Target. (I already put in an order for a medium sized Smart & Final shirt, but I have to supply the pants and the shoes to complete the work outfit. Also, having pants would be nice. Presently, I only have two pairs of black shorts and two black short-sleeved T-shirts (and the shirt I am currently wearing sports my primary website name and is tattered)).
Sincerely,
Karlina Ray Beringer (i.e. karbytes)
Post Script: last night (after I ingested a small amount of Golden Teacher shrooms), I had some unusually satisfying dreams which seemed to help break me out of some annoying and repetitive thought loops. I woke up feeling more refreshed than usual and like I had the chance to talk with people in my dreams and to hear them talk about stuff I cannot easily talk about with people (self included) in my waking life. One thing I do vaguely remember from last night’s dreams is some middle aged white woman saying that her mind (i.e. personality, character, mood) is a function of her house and that, without a permanent house, she basically has no mind.
This web page was last updated on 14_OCTOBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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