Perhaps the aspect of my life which I find to be the most difficult is the way in which I have been subject to relentless and unwanted psychotronic interference and torture since early 2019. What is most troubling to me about such interference is the fact that it frequently interjects misleading, antagonistic, depression-mongering, anxiety-inducing verbal and auditory stimuli into my field of awareness such that I it is very difficult for me to complete my own original thoughts because the psychotronic interference keeps aggressively trying to complete my thoughts for me (immaturely and without me reaching a satisfying conclusion or having the opportunity to reflect on what I am thinking about).
It is hard for me to write about this experience because I receive so little respectful and helpful feedback from other people whenever I attempt to address it that it seems very unlikely anyone ever will give me the kind of responses I desire. I am disappointed at how little compassion, concern, and appreciation other people show me for broaching this subject and for doing the work I do. In general people seem very withholding of relevant and honest feedback (which makes me think that other people are indifferent to my story or else other people side with my tormentors).
I want the psychotronic harassment to stop. I want to be able to think my own thoughts without being constantly interrupted by other people and/or machines which work to suppress and to divert my brain activity. I wish there was a way to evict the intrusive parasites from my mind. I think I am being treated in a horrifying abusive and punitive manner. The way I am being treated is making my life arguably worse than being locked up in prison. Perhaps that is “what I get” for almost killing someone or else seriously injuring that person. Perhaps “the people” have decided that it is equivalent to putting me in prison for the rest of my life (in order to make me feel deprived of my own life in retaliation for (almost) “taking” someone else’s life).
I think that most people, if honest, would admit that they want me to suffer the kind of torture I described in the previous paragraph; something akin to being incarcerated for life and/or tortured so severely that I suffer roughly to the same extent. Almost no one seems willing to talk to me honestly. People seem to be cordial at best with me but not exactly kind, authentic, or genuinely kind towards me. To put it colloquially, I think that most people think I deserve to be given “the could shoulder”; shunned, mocked, deprived of opportunities to improve my standard of living and to alleviate my suffering, and even subject to corporal punishment.
Perhaps “the people” know that what I prize most is freedom of thought and the ability to pursue my creative and intellectual goals. Such is central to my sense of purpose in life and to my sense of self esteem. I think that “the people” want to take away the main source of my self esteem and sense of purpose I only have negligible self esteem and negligible satisfaction about my life. I think that “the people” want me to worry that I will never get to enjoy my life and that I will always feel cut off from what I long for more than anything. I even think that “the people” will try to prevent me from committing suicide because they would prefer I stay alive to be tortured than be able to end my suffering.
Perhaps most people would not be nearly as troubled as I would be when subject to the psychotronic harassment I described in this journal entry. Perhaps such people are not very attached to having their own original thoughts and the average person would rather just have the thought police do the vast majority of the thinking on that person’s behalf so that the person can expend as little energy as possible. Perhaps most people are not even aware that a significant percentage of their mental throughput is interjected from outside of a person’s brain through wirelessly propagated electromagnetic signals which manipulate how synapses in the brain fire. Perhaps most people do not have the luxury to ponder such matters and would rather avoid doing so because doing so may get them in trouble with the law, cause their social circles to shun them, and cause them general distress. “I do not know whether or not such conspiracy theories are true. Such things are rarely talking about in the news nor anywhere else. Since it is not a very popular topic, perhaps I should just dismiss it as bogus only crazy misfits would waste time worrying about. I would rather not worry about things I have no control over and just focus on the stuff which makes me feel secure.”
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Later additional thoughts: It could be that the thought police are trying to censor and control my brain activity so that other people are not exposed to some of the controversial and establishment-threatening ideas I would otherwise publish for a general audience. Censoring my thoughts and communications would then be a means to prevent societal order from devolving into relative chaos (and most people are not fit to handle such disarray without becoming panicked, impulsive, violent, stubborn, and reckless (which is why the government defaults to restraining, sedating, and incapacitating people if there is a high enough chance that the people will act chaotic if those people are allowed to move and to think more freely)). It could also be that the thought police think that my experience, knowledge, skills, and personality are not exactly “in demand” and fill no pragmatic nor essential purpose with respect to society. Hence, the thought police decided that all my brain activity except for only what is required to function at a bare minimum level and to obey society’s laws deserves to be eradicated. Related to this thought is the idea that I am implicitly required to die so that people younger than me can take my place (or, less radically, I deserve to be deprived of an education, career, and life-enriching experiences in general so that people who are in better standing with the law and better invested in by other people than I am get to have those niceties exclusively (because “bad people don’t deserve good things”). Even though I do not claim to have invented many of the ideas I write about, I still find intrinsic satisfaction in pondering ideas which other people wrote about before me and then come up with my own definitions for such topics. My opponents might say something like, “Yeah, but there are already a billion blog posts about Idea X. Therefore, the world does not need you to publish a blog post about X. If you publish a blog post about X, you are only doing it for yourself (and not for others). If what you do is not primarily to serve others on their terms, then it does not deserve to be done.”
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