28_SEPTEMBER_2022: I left my laptop computer to charge at one of the outlets outside of my mom’s house and then spent about an hour at Horsey Hill waiting for its battery to charge to full capacity. When I came back to get my laptop, I saw that the battery light was white instead of orange; indicating that it was fully charged. Once I brought the computer to my camping spot at Horsey Hill and attempted to turn the device on, a white light on the left side flashed three times each time I pressed the power button. I went back to the outlet outside my mom’s house to plug the laptop in and was able to turn it on (but I did not log in). I went back to Horsey Hill to find that the laptop would not turn on (and not even the left three flashes were occurring). I went back to the outlet at the house again and turned on the laptop and logged in to see that the laptop battery was only charged to 3%. Methinks some human deliberately tampered with that outlet or else my laptop in order to spite me.

Due to how badly I feel I am being treated by humans, I decided to write a poem…

I think I get treated too badly.

Other people think I do not get treated badly enough.

I think that all people deserve to be treated better than how they currently are.

Other people think that what I just said is entitled.

Other people think that no one deserves to be treated better than how they currently are.

I noticed that there is an “under construction” part of the street between my mom’s house and Horsey Hill which emits a plaintive alarm sound anytime motion (or perhaps heat) is detected anywhere within a fifty foot spherical radius of that location. I could not help but think that it is a prank to get me to come up with the conspiracy theory that I am specially being harassed and stalked and treated like I do not deserve to be able to go back and forth between Horsey Hill and my mom’s house because doing so makes other people jealous that I have that kind of luxury space to work in; space to be alone while immersed in natural beauty.

There are some people who I think are addicted to me being in too much agony to function as optimally as I really need to for the kinds of goals I want to accomplish. Those people seem to get away with depriving me of sleep even though that is technically endangering my health. Apparently, health is something I am not unconditionally entitled to have (according to those “moral majority”).

If you want to know whether or not I would have people I consider to be enemies to my goals killed, I would say yes but I would insist that they be killed as quickly and painlessly for them as possible. I do not want to cause them agony (because, unlike them, I am not a sadist (and I am less sadistic because I have been better educated and exposed to less hardships overall)). I just want to get rid of those burdensome and damaging pests if reforming them is not possible. A better alternative to murder and genocide, in my opinion, is forcibly sterilizing those vermin so that they can fuck all they want yet not shit out any “anchor baby” brats to grow their army of violence-mongering, anti-intellectual simpleton drones.

Though I do not intend to hurt Alan Jason Ponte, I do wish he would be quickly and painlessly eradicated. I think that he has been trying to sabotage my goals to a severe extent and is allowed to do so because he has government permission. If this is His attempt to get more publicity in this blog, this might as well be the result. I hope to never mention that person again. That person seems to have other people’s blessing to sabotage me instead of focus on doing something constructive which does not prevent others from doing the same.

I think a lot of chauvinist people condone that person acting like a tyrant saboteur who is allowed to obstruct my livelihood because chauvinists seem to rule the human world (especially in the social matrix I happen to be localized to). People like him seem to only be happy when someone they are jealous of or feel animosity towards suffers or is simply not allowed to prosper. It seems that persons feels that me having a successful livelihood (or even a simple job) is a detriment to His career (and that only He deserves to have a career and hobbies and friends and money and social status). In a chauvinist’s world, nothing seems to be more important than political power. In a chauvinist’s world, violence never loses its novelty and necessity and holy stature.

I read in an article recently that most people subconsciously resist being happy. I think that is true and that such a stubborn refusal to be happy is at the root of what is dysfunctional about human civilization at all scales of resolution. I think people are terrorized and tortured into remaining depressed so as to not make others jealous. In a world where depression is implicitly mandatory, choosing to be happy and to optimize one’s well being is radical, controversial, and counter-cultural. The “sensible” thing to do would be to curb one’s enthusiasm and pretend to be bored, lazy, and dumb. Happiness is expensive and takes effort to attain and to maintain because it requires living according to one’s own sense of personal ethics and maintaining good health. Perhaps one should learn to let go of being happy and learn to embrace having looser standards and not as good of health. After all, no one lives forever nor for very long! One might as well trash the body and trash the planet!

* * *

The reason why I mentioned Alan Jason Ponte in this journal entry with such animosity is that I suspect that he set me up to be psychotronically harassed by intrusive, distracting, and quite frankly pornographic voices which sound like a sexed up and effeminate child making moaning and crying sounds as well as voices which sound like his “natural” adult male voice bellowing, laughing boastfully, and telling me to shut up and other derogatory and intrusive vocalizations. Either way, I suspect that he has been and still is to this day stalking me and acting like a tyrannical and bratty backseat driver to my life while withholding information about such activities even when I attempt to interrogate him directly. I do not plan to communicate with AJP ever again by “normal” means such as calling or texting his phone number at (510) 303-3352, emailing him at any one of his email addresses, or attempting to visit him “in person”. I do not know where he currently lives. If he is spying on me and talking into my head without my permission and even when I tell whoever is talking at me to leave me alone (which makes me feel that he is being permitted by society to stalk, harass, and essentially rape me). I do not want to waste my time retaliating but I feel that I am being “forced” to react in ways which are more dramatic and wasteful than how I prefer to react. What I am trying to say is that it seems that I am being prevented by whoever is facilitating these “telepathic phone” calls to simply move on with my life and to mind my own business simply because the caller is not ready for me to.

For more information on what I hypothesize to be the technology enabling such “telepathy”, see the 138th journal entry of the Karbytes 2022 Journal section of this website.

I suspect that AJP might be attempting to coerce me into paying him money or complying with his implicit and/or explicit demands to modify my thoughts and behavior while he effectively holds my brain for ransom. I also suspect that many people (including my family members) know that this is happening and that such people refuse to talk to me about this issue and that such people even condone that I be effectively married to and held hostage by a tyrant. It seems that people condone such barbaric antics because those people are opposed to my independence and physical and mental autonomy out of jealousy and “fear” that I will do something they think is bad without such micromanagement and externally imposed restraint.

I am doing the best I can to avoid making this into “too big” of an issue because I consider doing so to be allowing myself to be reduced to a cripple and someone whom I find to be hideously pathetic, weak, and devoid of a personality and life of one’s own. Just because other people expect me to fall apart and stay immobilized, chronically upset, and effectively disabled as a result of the oppressive and callous treatment I have been subjected to does not mean I will succumb to such a defeated position. Hence, I make no virtue of whorish vulnerability,  helplessness as flattery and appeasement, and the atrophy of my coveted attributes and assets.

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