KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_134
I am enjoying having a relatively quiet, secluded, comfortable, and aesthetically pleasing place to hang out this afternoon. It was lightly raining earlier. Now there is an opening in the white rain clouds which is illuminating the green trees around me. I have some gourmet coffee in a can, some delicious butter lettuce in a box, and my mobile office (i.e. backpack, laptop computer, laptop charger, mobile phone, USB-C cables, et cetera) at my disposal. This is a brief note of appreciating what I have. I also enjoy petting myself like I am my own dog. I do not really need a pet because I feel like my own pet; my own best friend; my companion in all the moments of my life.
I do not feel that I am missing out very much by hardly ever hanging out with other humans in person. In fact, I think I am happier than I would be if I felt obliged to hang out with other humans in person. I enjoy being a hermit and hardly talking to anyone. My social network provides plenty of human interaction (and when I start working at wherever I end up working, I am pretty sure I will have no problem getting along with my coworkers). What I know is that only I am guaranteed to be there for me throughout my entire life. Other people may die before I do, keep secrets from me, and otherwise work against me the way I am pretty darn sure I would not against myself. I feel very harmonious with myself (rather than at war with myself seemingly the way so many other people are at war with themselves (because they have been coerced into sacrificing loyalty to self for loyalty to others). I prioritize being as honest with myself as possible more than anything. I do not feel that I owe people my suffering, subservience, and loyalty (while they seem to think I do). I think I deserve to be happy, to not be harassed, and to be as healthy as possible (though I do not believe morality is anything more than an arbitrary set of conditions designed to make the universe less chaotic for those who crave order within an “anything goes” universe). I see that giving in to other people’s demands is never sufficient to satisfy those people and to prevent those people from demanding that I give up more and more of my freedom and well-being for them (and people seem to be united more through their common hardships than they are through there common triumphs and sources of pleasure (which is why I think society is so slow to abolish sources of preventable suffering in favor of modern solutions which minimize suffering (because suffering is what unites those who are not particularly advanced when it comes to personal development))). Hence, I only comply with social rules as minimally as necessary and tell people “white lies” in order to avoid drama (and that often includes me pretending to be the bad guy so that the other party can feel like the good guy and pretending that I am the intellectually/morally inferior party so that the other party gets to say “I win; you lose; ha ha” (and it is easiest to simply “let them win” even though they will likely always have unresolved cognitive dissonance while I have almost none because, unlike them, my goal is to actually be right (i.e. make logical sense to myself) and not just to make other people think I am right (i.e. make logical sense to other people) *). I think in person friendships are mostly a waste of my time and so draining of my resources that having in person friends keeps me from having sufficient time to do what I really want: to enjoy my own company in solitude.
Hence, everything I do, above all else, is to support and to enhance my experience of being alone.
* Aside: Suppose I end up living inside of a very totalitarian dictatorship in which I am detained and interrogated and told that, if I do not believe that 2 + 2 = 5, then my hand is going to get cut off. I would do my best to convincingly say that 2 + 2 = 5 rather than come up with logical arguments for why 2 + 2 = 4 instead because I do not want my hand to get cut off. If the dictatorship can read my mind and see that I do not believe that 2 + 2 = 5, then I would do my best to pull from memory this universal solvent of any piece of logic: everything contains nothingness and nothingness could spawn literally anything (including universes in which physical laws are not consistent and systems of logical reasoning where there are contradictions). Hence, in at least one universe of all the possible universes nothingness can dream up, 2 + 2 = 5 and can be proven to be true at least as convincingly as 2 + 2 = 4 can be proven to be true in this universe.
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