KARBYTES_JOURNAL_2022_ENTRY_129
As soon as I start to think about doing anything related to math or natural science, the voices which are beamed into my skull from law enforcement become a cacophony of multiple overlapping tracks of some cartoon teenage American girl angrily whimpering, protesting, and peppering me with vague insults and distracting noises (which sound sexually suggestive, whiny, prissy, annoyed, pouting, and attention seeking). It seems that “the system” is trying to prevent me from having anything to do and to think about other than napping, eating, using the bathroom, and thinking about subject matter which that cartoon teenage American girl deems to be appropriate such as fantasizing about sex and talking about women’s fashion. Those voices have insinuated multiple times that they do not want me to get a job and that they want to see me look and act like a lazy, directionless, downward spiraling bum who is destined to remain poor, socially isolated, deprived of hobbies, and limited to only animalistic and trite things to think about. I do not understand why “the system” seems to be opposed to my flourishing and why it is so anti intellectual. It seems that “the system” condones that I be forced to look and to behave and to think like someone I do not want to be so that the “real me” is effectively held hostage or else demolished behind the scenes so that all that is left is a living caricature for other people to scapegoat, ridicule, and take out their aggression on. The people who condone that this happen to me seem to want me to feel punished and sabotaged in retaliation for not being more socially conformist and appropriately small minded. I think that “the system” wants to discourage people in general from seriously pursuing intellectual and recreational pursuits which are not about being a small-minded, obedient, fear-driven, gullible, complacent, and deprived of introspection child in an adult’s body. What seems to be the agenda of “the system” is to pressure people into having kids whether they want kids or not so that those people are locked into having hefty expenses to pay with very little time to be alone to and to think outside the confines of the baby-making matrix. Such people seem to have so little control over their lives that all they can do is show off how good they are at not needing to do anything other than to conform and to not worry about what they cannot control. Such people are discouraged from making a big deal about climate change, academics (unless it is about their kids going to school or else them getting a better job merely to support their kids), and philosophy (because thinking about anything other than what the matrix promotes is considered to be vain self indulgence which is unnecessary (and people are discouraged from being skeptical about what the matrix promotes as ontology and ethics)). The people seem to implicitly agree to not allow themselves to be “too unhappy” nor “too happy”. In other words, they tend to be bored, vaguely and chronically dissatisfied, and mostly too preoccupied with petty interpersonal antics to care about anything beyond the scope of their mundane, myopic, and garbage entertainment cluttered role play game of a life. I suppose the idea is that, sooner or later, I will be traumatized into being a sidelined bum whose mind and body atrophy so that I am too weak and idle to escape that role (and that is to keep me from being recognized as a revolutionary intellectual with world-changing ideas to promote so that people think that all I think about is akin to what a stray dog would think about (and that helps to keep society from “waking up” from the sedated trance the people are in which conditions the people to dismiss news about climate change as mere fear mongering propaganda designed to deprive them of their right to continue guiltlessly burning petroleum and eating beef)). Of course, as time progresses, it becomes increasingly difficult for the people to ignore evidence of increasingly severe ecological destabilization due to fossil fuels combustion and other unsustainable habits. I think that many people pretend not to be worried about the environment just so that they can continue to trash the environment (but, on the inside, those people are desperately trying to push thoughts about the environment out of their minds with alcohol, fried chicken, escapist media, and other distractions). That is why introspection seems to be banned. We cannot allow a person to have even a minute of unstructured time alone (which is why most people cannot afford to live alone and why most spouses generally sleep in the same bed and go to sleep and wake up at the same time). That is because we need to prevent people from realizing that the bulk of what they spend their time and energy on is attempting to distract themselves from the fact that all they have been doing for years is slavishly serving the fossil fuels monopolies and compulsively having babies and competing for social status.
It is hard to be one of the only people I know who seriously intends to get around without a fossil fuels powered vehicle while almost everyone else around me seems to be suggesting that there is no way to get out of being an ostracized and tortured bum without having to burn gasoline. If I could commit myself to exactly one challenge, it would be not driving a petroleum powered vehicle. Though that does not seem like a very difficult task to me, other people seem to be making it a very difficult task by depriving me of sleep and by frequently chasing me around in public to harass me so that I am too exhausted to hold down a job unless I use a car to commute between my parents’ houses and some work place (because such a commute is significantly more insular and speedy and requires less physical exertion than walking, biking, and riding BART trains). I have even proposed that I camp close to where I work so that I do not have to commute so far each day and so that it is easy for me to get to work on time. I will bring a tent with me and use that in case it rains. What I am afraid of is that people do not want to hire me unless I sleep indoors and use a car to get to work. I am also afraid that other people will try to sabotage me being able to go to work without a house and without a car by harassing me with loud and antagonistic noises when I am trying to relax in my campsite between work shifts so that I am physically and mentally too worn down to hold down my job. I am still waiting to hear back from Amazon about the status of my background check. My tentative start date at the OAK5 Amazon warehouse is 29_SEPTEMBER_2022. Hence, I do not expect to be notified of my employment status until on or after 22_SEPTEMBER_2022 (because, as far as I can recall from the last time I was offered a job with Amazon warehouses, I had to wait approximately a month before getting background check results and, by the time I did, my start date was less than a week away).
Lastly, I have noticed that, when I was not seriously job searching, people complained that I was doing academics and creative hobbies instead of getting a job and that I should not be allowed to do those things until after I get a job. I have also noticed that, once I started working, people were complaining that I was not doing enough to be a full time student. Lately, I have been called a “self help whore”, a “binge whore”, an “escape whore”, an “excuse whore”, and a “beauty whore” from pissed off strangers who think that I have too much fun, look too good, eat too well, and am too immersed in solitary projects for their liking. Perhaps what the people really want is for me to give up on having a life outside of hanging out with my family of origin and to just stay at home watching television and having dinner with my relatives. After all, my family of origin is relatively well off financially and they give me approximately $40 per day to buy food and other supplies (and, if I borrow the petroleum powered minivan, they fill the tank for me when the tank is close to empty even if I do not ask them to). It seems that all I have to do is stay close to my family and, only if the family wants me to get a job, to get a job which is more customer-service oriented and part-time than is working in a warehouse. (I have not bothered trying to get a remote job because I am afraid of being scammed and because I have routinely had my Internet connection sabotaged by controlling people who do not want me to have an office job).
Here’s my tentative plan: work full time at Amazon warehouse doing day shifts four consecutive days per week (and camping near work between shifts to avoid having to waste time commuting) and spend free time working of solitary projects such as blogging, reading, and doing science experiments. Since I do not have much in the way of “in person” friends and because I spend almost all of my free time alone, I expect to have more time and money than my fellow coworkers do to pursue personal projects. I am not the kind of person who is content to merely pass time “hanging out” with people when I am not working. In other words, unlike seemingly most of my peers, I am not content to settle for having a life without hobbies (especially solitary hobbies; activities which do not require that I be limited to someone else’s limitations).
This web page was last updated on 17_SEPTEMBER_2022. The content displayed on this web page is licensed as PUBLIC_DOMAIN intellectual property.
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