11_SEPTEMBER_2022: Today while I was “hanging out” in Dublin, California and working on a page of my primary website named KARBYTES_ETHICS (by adding definitions for ideology, hedonism, nihilism, values, and goals), the electronic harassment I have been spammed with by law enforcement and/or the military (or whoever the source could be) was particularly jarring and censorship-mongering. The voices which were beamed into my skull insinuated that I needed to stop thinking so hard and so seriously and that all I needed to do was distract myself with social media and to take long naps. The voices told me that they did not want me to get a job and that they wanted me to be depressed and to have nowhere but home to go and no one but family to talk to and about. The voices told me that they want me to “go to school”, but as soon as I focus on what I consider to be academics worthy of my time and personally interesting, the voices start ganging up on me by forcibly attempting to finish the sentences I silently think to myself with flippant, sarcastic, rude, and animosity-filled phrases. Despite that hellish harassment (and one guy walking in on me where I was hiding in the Oracle parking garage), I was still able to update that web page to my liking and back it up to Archive dot Org using the WayBack Machine.
I am on the Dublin BART platform now. The air is warm with a modest breeze. The shadows and light have particularly high contrast (which is customary of autumn). It is almost 7PM. Thankfully, the BART train is delayed by about 30 minutes today so that I have time to write this note. (I noticed within the past few weeks that BART service has been delayed and even canceled in some areas due to equipment malfunctions and BART stations shutting down due to police activity. Perhaps I should use this as another incentive to drive the petroleum powered van to work rather than take BART and walk. That is what this journal entry is mainly about).
I checked the status of my job application with Amazon again today and saw that the background check is still processing and that my tentative start date (if my background check is approved) is 29_SEPTEMBER_2022. I have decided that it is best for me to just plan on sleeping at Horsey Hill (which is less than a 0.25 miles from my mom’s house) in Castro Valley because it is a relatively quiet, clean, and safe area and because I am familiar with that area and inspired by its natural beauty and surrealist looking views. Being at Horsey Hill feels majestic, surreal, and expansive because the view of the hills, mountains, and Bay Area city and suburbs sprawls for many miles in all directions. There are coyotes which live there and which frequently bark, yap, and howl in unison. There are owls which hoot in the night time. In general, there is a lot of wildlife. Because there is a busy and well-lit road separating Horsey Hill from the Lake Chabot Regional Park region, I do not feel very worried about getting attacked by mountain lions. (When I do camp in areas where I think it is more likely that I will get attacked by a mountain lion, I sleep in a tent because I think that is sufficient to ward them off).
Anyway, my “inner hippie” (and arguably zealot) is upset at me for even insinuating the possibility that I might drive the car again. What I would tell “him/her/it” is that, if and when I do drive the car, I do not plan to use it for anything other than commuting to work and doing occasional errands. Still, my “inner hippie” worries that depending on the car keeps me in a subordinate position to my parents and to law enforcement and that, sooner or later, I will experience a car breakdown or, even worse, a traffic accident. (Several years ago I drove with almost no problems. I am a good driver and I am more knowledgeable than ever about traffic laws and parking violations (and I do not expect to get the car towed nor cited for illegal lodging because I plan to only park the car in areas where I am pretty darn certain no one will tamper with it and where I know it is not illegal to park)).
If (and when) I am offered a job, I will move the car from where it is currently parked in my mom’s driveway to that special spot along that special side road I have used in the past without any problems to avoid having “my” car blocked by my dad’s car when he comes over to my mom’s house to visit at night (and sometimes during the day).
I still plan on getting a bicycle as soon as I can afford one. Once I have a bike, I might take the bike most days of the week and only use the car when I am feeling unusually tired/unwell or when weather conditions are bad. To my “inner hippie” (who I respect and do not want to offend): as often as feasible, I promise to take BART and bicycle to and from work and only use the gasoline powered car for bad weather and days in which I am not feeling sick. (I do not plan on taking sick days because, somehow through sheer will power and a healthy lifestyle, I almost never get sick. the only time I plan on having to miss work (if I have work that day) is when I go to court in November of this year).
One more thing, I must admit that a significant factor which makes commuting by BART frequently unpleasant for me is how often I feel engulfed and harassed by other passengers. Some of those people are very rude and obnoxious. It took me a while to admit this fact because I do not like the idea of restricting my mobility and independence because of low brow thugs. I would rather stand up for myself against them and show them that they are not the boss of me.
Later Edit: the majority of the engulfment and subjective feeling that I am being deliberately harassed by other people is when I am walking through the streets and especially when I am sitting down outside in a place where other people are nearby (especially my mom’s house). The electronic harassment is almost entirely the reason why I feel severely harassed and inconvenienced to the extent that I “joke” about ending my life by jumping off of a very tall cliff once I am sure I have progressed as far as I am “allowed to” as a website developer, writer, and philosopher and after I have backed up each page of my website at least ten times per page to the WayBack Machine at Archive dot Org (but I get the sense that other people resent me and want me to suffer (especially as punishment for the domestic violence crime I committed on 09_SEPTEMBER_2018 when I threw a steel teaspoon at the back of my mom’s head during a fight we were having (and it makes poetic sense that my head would be broken into and raided by the police in retaliation for potentially causing serious brain damage if not death to my mother))). I get the sense that many other people think that I have “special snowflake syndrome” and need to be tortured, humiliated, and worst of all, deprived of peace and quiet to enjoy my “special interests” (and force fed a continuous stream of misleading and offensive propaganda) and so that I do not feel and act so peaceful and, instead, act “appropriately cynical yet nonchalant” like seemingly everyone else in my midst. To finish up this thought, I would say that I think that many people (especially the police and maybe even family members, former friends, and neighbors) think I deserve to be tortured via electronic harassment to the extent that I am effectively brain damaged and deprived of inner peace for what seems like a life sentence. Nevertheless, I am doing the best I can to enjoy my life as much as possible and to do as little harm (to myself and others) as possible.
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